Ever since he picked up a video camera and raised a few thousand bucks selling his body to science in an effort to fulfill his filmmaking dreams, Robert Rodriguez has proven one thing to us time and time again, over the past two decades ; he knows how to make one seriously entertaining piece of film. In fact, i'd go so far as to say you'd be hard pressed to find a single soul on this planet that hasn't been entertained by at least one of Rodriguez's contributions to the world of cinema, be it family friendly fare such as the Spy Kids franchise or R rated gore fests the likes of Sin City, From Dusk Till Dawn and Planet Terror. Even admist a varied and impressive catalogue such as this that has given me personally hours upon hours of laughs and entertainment, i've gotta say ; Machete may be Rodriguez's most entertaining film to date. It's funnier than most comedies, gorier than most horror flicks and full of more kickass action than most action movies, making it not only the absolute pitch perfect summer flick, but the most balls to the wall FUN movie to hit the big screen in recent years.
Here's a little taste of what i'm getting at ....
Before the opening credits even get a chance to roll, the body count nearly hits the double digits, there is full frontal nudity wherein the fully frontal woman pulls a common household object from her vagina and Steven Seagal shows up as a Mexican drug lord, cheesy accent and all, wielding a sword that would make Hattori Hanzo jealous - need I say more?
Amidst an incredible and totally oddball cast the likes of Seagal, Robert DeNiro as an anti-Mexican politician, Jessica Alba as the sexiest immigration enforcement agent ever, Michelle Rodriguez as the sexiest taco stand proprietor ever, Tom Savini as a badass killer who does pushups on his fingertips, Cheech Marin as a very unconventional priest and Lindsay Lohan as a drug addict who just wants to show off her body (that's a stretch!), the real standout here is Machete himself, the 66 year old (!) Danny Trejo. Trejo has been utilized by Rodriguez many a time before but this is the first time he has been the star of the show, which is so cool to see given the big names attached to the project. With Machete he has created one of the most badass heroes of our time and forces us all to ponder one question ; why did it take so long for someone to turn this grizzled ex-con into a full blown action hero?
It's kinda funny because as I sit here and type up my thoughts on the movie, they're exactly the thoughts I expected to someday type up the minute it was announced that the faux Grindhouse trailer was being turned into a real feature length film. Honestly, before I even saw it, hell before it was even actually made, I was pretty much 100% certain that Machete was gonna kick some serious ass, based solely on that fake trailer that we all hoped would one day become a reality. As I fully expected, the now real movie is exactly the movie I pictured in my head after that trailer played during Grindhouse and it delivers every single thing myself or anyone could possibly expect or want it to bring to the table. In other words, if you dug that original fake trailer, which I assume pretty much everyone reading this right now did, you are going to absolutely LOVE every gory, sexy and kickass second of Machete. Again, I personally guarantee that every member of the target audience will.
Go see Machete and go see it with a jam packed audience. In terms of pure fun and entertainment, it may well be the best movie of the year.
While I wouldn't exactly say that Jen and I are fully settled into the new house, we officially moved in yesterday and spent our first night here last night - it was quite strange and will definitely take some getting used to! We've still got a lot of painting and moving things around to do (both of our entire lives are still pretty much packed in boxes in the garage), but all the essentials are in place ; the TV and computer are hooked up (thanks dad!) and the fridge is stocked with cheap beer - what more do ya need?!
Now that i'm finally back behind a computer screen - a few days without it felt like an eternity (sad, huh?) - we can now begin to return to business as usual with the blog! So lets do that, shall we?
Around this time in 2008, best pals Adam Green (Hatchet/Frozen) and Joe Lynch (Wrong Turn 2), two guys i'm a huge fan and supporter of, began a series of shorts called The Road To FrightFest - which they showed throughout the week of the UK's FrightFest Film Festival. Essentially the video series consisted of them attempting to make their way to the festival, leaving hilarity, cameos and many a horror movie reference in their wake. Dubbing themselves The Douche Brothers, Green and Lynch utitlized their incredible hetero lifemate chemistry and vast knowledge of dick jokes and horror flicks to create some pretty fuckin' funny shit, all while spoofing and homaging Twilight Zone : The Movie. The Douche Brothers returned last year with an equally hilarious and entertaining series of videos, this time with an American Werewolf In London theme, being that that movie was shown up on the big screen at the festival. Well FrightFest 2010 just took place last week and yet another series of Road To FrightFest videos was shown, which has just made their way onto Green's Ariescope Pictures website. Spoofing The Blair Witch Project, Green and Lynch find themselves stuck out in the woods of Maryland, yet again failing to make their way to the festival - a festival that they both in actuality attended, with Green premiering Hatchet 2 to a jam packed audience.
I strongly urge you to head over to Ariescope Pictures to check out this year's Road To FrightFest series. And if you somehow missed the ones from years past, you can also see them in the same spot - click 'shorts' and then 'television and more'. Go...NOW!
If you like me are big time fans of these guys, here's some other cool shit for you to check out!
- Over at Lynch's blog Transmissions and Confessions From a Mad World, you can get day by day progress of his next film Knights of Badassdom, which recently finished shooting. Lynch also updates regularly with pictures and stories from his life.
- Hatchet 2 will hit AMC theatres FULLY UNCUT on October 1st of this year and you can pick up the first Hatchet on Blu-ray next Tuesday. Just a few weeks later, on September 28th, Green's Frozen comes to both DVD and Blu-ray - if you didn't get the chance to see it during its limited theatrical run, don't miss it this time around!
Douche Brothers, thank you for all the entertainment and laughs you have provided us all over the years.
It's Monday night, which means it's time for a new episode of Scream Queens Season 2! But before you watch tonight's episode (which show judge Tim Sullivan has called his favorite of the entire season), I wanted to give you a brief little update on last week's castoff - something I hope to do with all of the remaining girls who get the boot for the rest of the season, whenever it's possible for me to do so. Surely you've wondered to yourself what these lovely ladies do once they get the axe from the show, as I myself often do, so i've decided to take it upon myself to fill ya in!
Last week, Allison Kyler got ousted from the show and she was awesome enough to write up a little update for Freddy In Space to fill you guys in with what she's been up to since leaving the show.
Since leaving Scream Queens I went to Madrid and shot a commercial with Shakira for the European car company SEAT, a movie I did called Maneater starring Dean Cain got distribution through Lionsgate and I did a guest star on ABC Family's Greek. And just today one of my original songs "Don't Tell Me" is a finalist for "Best Song" at Shriek Fest. I was upset to leave Scream Queens so early but it has been a great platform for my career and to build a fan base. And I learned so much on the show in such a short amount of time that i'm just able to apply to my career now. Also a interview I did with VH1 just posted to their website today.
Check out the video for "Don't Tell Me" below!
Thank you so much Allison. You rock and we all sincerely wish you the best in all your future endeavours.
I leave you with a little fun fact ; Allison played a dancer in 2008's Prom Night remake!
I've mentioned a few times recently that Jen and I are going to be moving into our own place soon and I just wanted to elaborate on that being that the big move day is looking like it's gonna be tommorow....
For the past several years, my brother has lived at a house a few minutes away from my parents house (where Jen and I currently live - Jen moved in with my family after her mom passed away around this time last year), which my dad owns and rented out to him. A few weeks back he got the call that he landed a job as a court officer (following in my dad's footsteps), a result of a test he took a few years back, which means he will be in the academy for a couple more months and then will get a job somewhere up there afterwards. Rather than renting out the vacant house to strangers, my dad decided to cut Jen and I a deal and offer it up to us, which we more than graciously accepted. Tommorow, we officially begin the long and arduous process of moving in.
**To anyone that has my current address, feel free to continue sending anything you may want to send to that one, being that i'll still probably get the majority of my mail sent there. If you'd like the new one, let me know**
Being that I have lived at my childhood home my entire life, this is a bit strange and overwhelming at times for me, but it's also really exciting. Jen, on the other hand, has moved several times in her life so this isn't so strange for her, but we definetly share in the excitement part of it. We both have a ton of shit to move and a lot of painting and cleaning up to do, but once we get settled in it's gonna be pretty awesome to have our own place (Halloween all year round!) and to officially begin our lives as adults ; paying rent, splitting bills, buying groceries, doing dishes, and all that good stuff.
Just wanted to make this quick post to let you guys know that I probably won't be updating as much as usual for the next week or so. We've got a lot of stuff to do, on top of both of us working Monday through Friday, so i'm not gonna have much time to blog until we get settled in - not to mention I may not have my computer up and running for a couple days. Once we do get settled in, it'll be back to business as usual and in fact I will have more time than ever to post, being that i'll have my own little office in the new place. Got a lot of exciting stuff planned in the near future, both on the blog front and otherwise, which you'll read about real soon.
In the meantime, enjoy your weekend and go see The Last Exorcism - which I will hopefully get around to doing (and reviewing) at some point in the near future. See ya real soon!
I feel like I say this all the time, but I have some of the best readers in the world. Case in point, the package I just received in the mail from UK reader Mj Smith, containing two graphic novels that he decided to pass onto me instead of selling them on eBay.
Mj, thank you for your overwhelming generosity and kindness. I will have reviews of both of these up when I get around to reading them!
Arrow Video just issued a press release today stating that later this year, they will release a UK DVD package containing all new transfers of cult classics Demons and Demons 2, which will feature brand new special features, reversible artwork and a double sided poster. But perhaps the most exciting news about this epic release is that it will come packaged with a sequel to the flicks, in the form of a comic book. Here's the full scoop!
Arrow Video are proud to announce that in 2010 they will bring to DVD all-new transfers of the classic Dario Argento produced and Lamberto Bava directed horror classic – Demons and Demons 2. Included within each DVD package will be all-new extra features specially shot for the releases plus a two-part comic book sequel – Demons 3!
DEMONS 3: Not 'The Ogre’. Not 'The Church’. Not even 'Black Demons’! For the first time ever, Arrow Video present an original sequel to the cult classics. It is the 16th Century, the time of the plague in Southern France. Amid the carnage, a new evil is starting to take form and only one man can see it. That man is Nostradamus, but are his horrid visions of the future signs of what will come to pass? Can he stop the Demons from entering into our world? An all new epic tale of demonic dismemberment brought to you from the writing team of Stefan Hutchinson and Barry Keating, with artwork by Jeff Zornow and Marcus Smith!
Being that this is a UK release, those of us in the states will need a region free player to watch the discs - I personally have had one for years so that I can get releases such as this one. If you don't have one, why not just buy the release for the comic sequel itself, which may alone be worth the price of admission! Better yet, just crack your damn DVD player already....
For more information, head over to the official website for the release and to see sneak preview images of the prelude to the comic, check out artist Jeff Zornow's blog Zornow Must Be Destroyed!. Keep your eyes peeled on both sites for a release date announcement in the near future.
One of the highlights of every horror convention is the massive dealer room, chock full of horror related treats. This room is like the best yard sale on earth, stuffed with both low priced goodies that you are usually only able to find online as well as one of a kind handmade items your eyes have never gazed upon before. As is always the case at these things, I saw many a familiar face in the dealer room this past weekend, peddling the same stuff i've seen them peddling a dozen times before. But I also saw a lot of new vendors this time around, many of them with really creative and unique custom items. A few hundred dollars later, here's what Jen and I emerged with .....
One of the coolest new dealers to the Monster Mania scene is Martha Rotten, a woman who we first saw at Monster Mania 14. Martha hand casts things such as skulls, creepy doll heads and teeth in pewter and turns them into kitchen utensils, jewelry, accessories and various other giftwares. Jen and I both had our eyes on these salt and pepper shakers all weekend and finally broke down and split the cost on them come Saturday night. We had been looking for cool salt and pepper shakers to outfit the new house and I don't think there are cooler ones in existence!
Sourpuss Clothing is another favorite vendor that we always end up buying a couple things from. This kitchen mitt and pot holder set is something we've had our eyes on for a while. This is gonna be one badass kitchen!
Jen picked up these two shirts - a Merlotte's Bar and Grill tee for only 10 bucks and the Fright Rags What Would Jason Do? women's tee. Can't leave Monster Mania without something from Fright Rags!
These little handmade out of string keychains are something i've always gotten a kick out of, ever since we got a Freddy one from the same guys a couple years back. For the life of me I once again cannot remember the name of the company that makes them (sorry guys!), but i've only seen them at conventions so i'm not sure they're for sale online.
Something about unopened packs of Fright Flicks trading cards makes me very happy. Probably because they remind me of my childhood. I plan on keeping these suckers in the packages and displaying them in the house on little mini easels. That may sound a little weird to some of you, but for whatever reason I get a smile on my face whenever I look at these things and so I want them front and center in my home!
Free shit from Dread Central! Dread Central always goes out of their way to get cool promotional goodies to giveaway free to convention goers and I can't thank them enough for that. Something apparently went down with the guy who runs the table each and every time, Paul Nicholasi (writer for Dread Central), that resulted in him and the entire table getting booted from the convention either Friday night or early Saturday. I don't know all the details, but I hope everything's ok and I hope Paul is at future Monster Mania's, as he's a hell of a nice guy who I always like seeing there. Check out Paul's action figure site Idle Hands.
Oh by the way, that deflated flat thing is a Piranha 3D promotional beach ball!
Speaking of freebies, the folks from new horror site Zomba's Horror Channel had a table and were handing out homeade Zombie Survival Kit's to promote the site. Inside each kit was a match, a glowstick, a protective glove, a hand sanitizer, a band-aid, and a promo sticker and flyer. Pretty awesome little idea and I will definitely be checking out the site thanks to this creative promotion!
Due to the all rules go out the window mentality of horror cons, one can always find tons of awesome bootleg DVD's of titles that either aren't out yet or were never put on DVD. I picked up the entire Goosebumps series (all 74 episodes) for a mere 35 bucks as well as the new titles I'll Never Die Alone (hot chicks get revenge on rapists) and Backwoods Bloodbath (kids in woods get murdered by some kind of creature). I had never heard of either title before and I can't wait to check 'em out. Reviews to come soon!
Back to the handmade side of things, Jen scored these kickass earrings and Frankenstein magnet from an awesome dude named Mike Smash, who specializes in custom dolls depicting various horror movie characters and death metal icons. Mike doesn't have a site up yet but when he does, i'll be sure to let ya know about it. For now, you can friend him on Facebook to see some of his stuff.
My very own Elvira! I will try to resist the urge to take her out of the package and fondle her....
Can you tell that I have a hardcore crush on the Mistress of the Dark? This art print is from artist Joel Robinson, who I met in the hotel bar on Friday night. Joel is a staff artist for my favorite horror mag out there, HorrorHound. Cool dude and great artist.
Terry Callen is another artist i'm a big fan of, and one i'm happy to call a friend. I first met Terry at the Fright Rags Rochester event and we hit it off immediately, ensuring that we will share many an adult beverage together in the future. I picked up this kickass art print, a t-shirt he designed, and his comic book Sick as a Dog, which was written by Night of the Living Dead : Reanimated curator Mike Schneider. Terry's company is called Screaming Brain Studio and he's got a lot of awesome stuff both available for purchase and in the works, including shirts, posters and a model kit based on one of his designs. I hope to someday in the near future collaborate with Terry on a comic book - ya hear that, Callen?!
These two limited run prints were hand crafted by Jason Edmiston, another incredibly talented and cool as hell dude I met at the same Rochester event. This is now the fourth piece of his work I own and I cannot wait to hang all of them in the new crib. You can bet your ass that the bubble bath Creature From The Black Lagoon piece is going in the bathroom!
Met Rob Dimension, late night horror host, through various mutual friends and he gave me this DVD of a couple episodes of his show Late Night at the Horror Hotel. Looking forward to checking it out and i'll let ya know how it is. Thanks Rob!
Jen's a big time Frankenstein fan and I bought her this oldschool little flashlight keychain - under the condition that she keep him in the package. Being that the almost 20 year old thing no longer lights up, I don't think that should be too hard for her to do.
This is a piece of Freddy merch i've been dying to get my hands on for years now and for the price of a mere 10 bucks, I snatched it up at first sight of it. It appears to have all the pieces and I can't wait to play, realize how horrible it is, and then use it as a nice display piece in the house.
This little doll with her brain exposed was purchased from the same dude who sold me the board game, for a single dollar. He's a makeup/custom design artist who calls himself Doctor Spookenstein and both Jen and I were shocked that he was giving his creation away for such a cheap price - in fact, everything at his table was super cheap. Jen totally fell in love with her, got her signed by the artist, we named her Ophelia, and we now live happily ever after with our new spawn.
*This image doesn't do the poster much justice. I didn't want to unroll the thing until i'm ready to put it up and it's way too big to take a picture of anyway. This image I found on Google is pretty much what the poster looks like, except it says Nightmare On Elm Street Part 5 : The Dream Child on it. And it's much much bigger and wider*
I saved this one for last both because it is probably my favorite thing that I purchased at the convention and because it was the last thing I bought, early on Sunday morning. I had never before in my life seen this poster, probably because it's from the UK, and I knew I had to have it the second I laid eyes on it. When I spotted it on Sunday, the guy who was selling it had not yet set up his table for the day and we were heading back home in just a few minutes, so I was afraid I was gonna miss out on it. Thankfully, he showed up in the nick of time and sold it to me for 25 bucks.
This past Saturday night at Monster Mania 15, there was a special musical tribute to Corey Haim, which featured a video compilation of pictures fans took with Haim during his Monster Mania visit shortly before his death. I unfortunately missed out on the event, but the tribute video has surfaced online and I wanted to share it with those of you who either were at the convention and missed seeing it or were not able to attend.
While I was at the Monster Mania that Haim was at, I didn't meet him, but I did see him in the lobby interacting with his many fans throughout the weekend, which he genuinely seemed to enjoy doing. Though he certaintly looked a bit worse for wear, he seemed to be in great spirits, as you will see by the many photos in the video.
Though I didn't meet most of the stars at the show, including main draws John Carpenter and the cast from Boondock Saints, there were a few people who I just had to meet this past weekend. Here are my experiences with the woman who gave Crispin Glover a run for his money in the 'Best Friday The 13th Dance Scene' category, the scariest character of all time, and the sexiest on-screen tranny the world has ever known!
TIFFANY HELM
Pretty soon after we headed down into the thick of things on Friday, Kristy Jett introduced myself, Jen and Terry Callen (above) to Tiffany Helm - Violet from Friday Part 5 - which resulted in one of my favorite memories from the weekend. Kristy convinced Tiffany to do her famous dance from Friday 5, which Terry joined her in - Jen and I were far too sober for any dancing, but I do regret not taking part. Thankfully, this moment was captured on film!
Big thanks to Michael Perez for filming and uploading this video
Though I never would've known if ya hadn't told me that the woman standing in front of me was the same girl who played the blonde Violet in the flick, I gotta say, Tiffany has remained a pretty sexy lady over the years. She's also an incredibly nice woman - everytime I walked past her during the weekend, she would go out of her way to wave to me. I unfortunately did not take a picture with her, but hopefully our paths cross again at a future convention so I can do so.
FELISSA ROSE
I met Felissa way back at a Horrorfind Weekend convention several years ago and decided to meet her again this past weekend so that I could get my Sleepaway Camp Survival Kit DVD signed.
"To John - Great meeting you at Monster Mania! <3 Felissa Rose"
As always, Felissa was incredibly nice and as beautiful as ever. At one point she asked all of the fans lined up at her table to take a picture with her, saying that she doesn't get to do conventions often enough and wanted to capture the moment. When Jen and I got up to the table, she thanked us for taking part in the picture. Hoping this shot surfaces at some point soon.
ANDREW HUBATSEK
Going into the convention, Andrew Hubatsek is the person I wanted to meet the most. You wouldn't be able to tell by looking at him, but Andrew played one of the scariest characters in the history of horror - the female Zelda from Pet Sematary! Andrew was one of the nicest guys i've ever met at a convention and, this being his very first convention, he seemed genuinely shocked that people wanted to meet him and that so many were so scared by him in the movie. We chatted for a couple minutes about how scary Zelda is, why she's so scary, and how unscary of a dude the man behind the spinal meningitis ridden creature is.
"I'm coming for you John! 'Zelda' Andrew Hubatsek"
Later in the night we checked out the first half of the Pet Sematary panel, which featured Denise Crosby (Rachel), Dale Midkiff (Louis), Miko Hughes (Gage), Brad Greenquist (Victor Pascow) and Hubatsek. It was nice to hear the whole cast speak so highly of the late Fred Gywnne (Jud/Herman Munster) and it was interesting to see what everyone looks like nowadays - Denise is sexier than she was over 20 years ago, Miko has grown into a pretty handsome dude (though still quite short!), and though Brad Greenquist has packed on some years and a few pounds, he still looks eerily like the bloody visage of Victor Pascow.
Couple other little celeb notes ....
Also looking better than ever were Lisa Wilcox (Alice from Dream Child) and Betsy Russel (Jigsaw's wife from the Saw franchise), though I didn't meet them. On the flip side of the coin was Marta Kober (Sandra from Friday Part 2), who the years haven't been all that kind to - and i'll leave it at that.
There are two kinds of horror movies in this world - the serious ones and the fun ones. Most of them aren't sure which they want to be, which results in neither a fun movie nor one you can enjoy on any serious level. Piranha 3D is the rare exception that not only knows exactly what it wants to be, but embraces what kind of movie it is to the fullest extent and manages to deliver every single thing that anyone going to see such a movie would want - in copious amounts. From the very start, which features the best cameo since Bill Murray popped up in Zombieland, to the end, which sets up for a super sized sequel (which has already been greenlit), Piranha 3D is absolutely the most fun time i've had at the theatre this year and that's a sentiment that I would quite frankly be shocked to not hear echoed from each and every person that goes to the theatre to see it. In fact, i'd go so far as to say that the only way you could come out of the theatre not feeling like you got your moneys worth from it is if you have no interest in seeing what the film promises to show you ; oodles of fully naked ladies getting ripped to shreds by razor toothed piranha. If that sounds good to you, then I can 100% guarantee that every penny you spend on your ticket will be well worth it. If it doesn't, then your ass belongs nowhere near any screen showing the movie.
It's amazing how few filmmakers these days seem to be able to figure out what us horror fans want from a movie of this sort. I can't tell you how many horror flicks of this ilk I see a year that totally skimp on both gore and nudity - the two essential ingredients in such a film. Why is it so hard for filmmakers to realize that this is what we want to see? We're a pretty easy group of moviegoer to please and yet so rarely are we actually pleased. What the fuck's up with that?! Much like a film like Hatchet, Piranha 3D is totally aware of what we want and expect from it and it gives us both of those afformentioned ingredients to such a massive extent that ensures nobody can complain about a lack of either of them. I'm not saying every horror movie needs buckets of blood and loads of fake unclothed tits but sometimes that is all that's needed and if there ever was a time where it was needed, it's when a Roger Corman produced B-movie about killer fish is being remade. Thank you Alexandre Aja for understanding this and for giving us precisely what we wanted. In my eyes you have totally redeemed yourself for Mirrors and have solidified yourself as the reigning king of the horror remake.
Horror movies of decades past used to be so much fun, and Piranha 3D is a little throwback to those days, the days where nudity and gore co-existed for one purpose and one purpose only - to entertain us. Much like many of those movies, it's corny at times (in a hilariously brilliant move, it is a single beer bottle that causes the piranha to be unearthed), but it knows this and it releshes in this fact, so don't you dare try and hold that against it. Piranha 3D aims to be the movie that every SyFy original picture wants to be and it succeeds admirably in that task. I cannot recommend enough that you see it.
By the way just want to mention that I saw the film in 2D, being that those 3D glasses always give me a headache. Never have bought into the gimmick and never will, but i'm sure another level of fun will be added to the proceedings for those of you who are not aggravated by the glasses. Prepare for plenty of boobs, plenty of blood, plenty of piranha and even a shredded up regurgitated penis to come flying right at ya!
If you would like to chat with me, make any suggestions, advertise on my site, trade links, supply your product for a giveaway, send me your horror movie or product to review or send me/ask me/tell me anything at all, e-mail or instant message me at mortis45@aol.com
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