Thursday, July 31, 2008

How Sweet, Dark Meat - Freddy's Top Five One Liners!


Every horror fan has there favorite killer. For most its either Freddy, Michael Myers, Leatherface, or Jason Voorhees. For some it's the Leprechaun or even Gary Busey as a killer gingerbread man. Freddy has always been my favorite and there's many reasons why.

My love started young

For starters, he speaks. He's got charisma. He's the class clown of Horror High. Freddy's one liners have over the years become part of my every day vernacular and there's certaintly enough of them to warrant a top 10 or even a top 20. But in the interest of keeping this short and sweet i've picked out my top 5 favorite Krueger one liners. Freddy pretty much speaks for himself, so i'll try to keep my boring commentary to a minimum.

#5 - Krueger Quotes Oz - Freddy's Dead : The Final Nightmare

Freddy flying by a window on a broom clad in full costume spouting Wicked Witch dialogue with his own Kruegerian twist. Music to my ears. Freddy don't want your dog. He just wants your soul.

#4 - Dream Cuisine - Nightmare 4 : Dream Master

Fred doesn't have a palate for pepporoni, sausage, or even anchovies on his pizza. No, no. He prefers little miniature human meatball heads. Soul food, indeed. It's because of this scene that I still to this day look down at my slice to make sure the toppings havent morphed into human heads before I take each bite. It's yet to happen, but i'm pretty convinced my time will come.

#3 - Freddy Teaches Sex-DEAD - Freddy vs Jason

I couldn't resist the Crypt Keeper esque corny headline, my apologies. My second choice was Cherry Poppin Freddy. Ole Fred was always keen on popping sexual jokes but that aint the only thing he's poppin in this one. Not too sure how much action our burnt friend gets these days, but something tells me intercourse with him tends to get a little messier then with most.

#2 - Your Big Break - Nightmare 3 : Dream Warriors

Welcome to primetime, bitch is one of Freddy's most well known and oft quoted lines. What more can I say. Not the big break she was looking for, eh? Perfect example of another big reason I love Freddy over the others ; he's one creative motherfucker. He's not just gonna pick up a sharp object and toss it through your heart. He's got a lot more pizzaz then that.

#1 - Where's The Fuckin Bourbon?! - Nightmare 3 : Dream Warriors

My favorite Krueger line of all time. Freddy doesn't fuck around and he certaintly doesn't wait on women. He wants his fuckin bourbon and he fuckin wants it right fuckin now! It's lines like these that continue to give me a hard on for the burnt faced freak. And I mean that in the most loving way possible. Move over Voorhees. Move over Myers. Freddy is the king of the hill and there's no taking him off his throne. Jason tried, but only proved that even a be-heading can't stop him.

Before I go, I must post one more video. It's not a Freddy quote, but it's perhaps my favorite quote from the entire franchise. It comes from Dream Warriors and Kincaid, played beautifully by Ken Sagoes (or as I call him "Ken Whatever I say-goes"), who I had the pleasure of meeting a while back. I was tempted to ask him to spout at least some small piece of this dialogue but ultimately I did not have enough alcohol in my system to make the demand. Enjoy this beautiful poetry :

Leave comments and post your favorite Freddy one liners below.


Anonymous said...

"Krueger! Pussay!" has to be the greatest taunt in movie history. Bravo!

The Warfreak said...

My favorite, from part III, was always "Sorry kid, I don't believe in fairy tales!"

jervaise brooke hamster said...

what about the infamous line from part 3 that was eventually edited from the final cut, freddy looks at the camera and says "I`M IN LOVE WITH PENELOPE SUDROW".