Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Sexy Zombie...No, No, Don't Bite That

Horror movies are primarily known for and loved for two main components. Violence and women. Women committing or being the victims of acts of violence. Scantily clad women screaming and running for their lives. Naked women wearing nothing but a coat of blood. Ideally, all of those combined, with maybe a plot development or two thrown in just for fun. But let's not be greedy...

Now I bring to you, your whackoff material for the night...

The Top 10 Sexiest Horror Vixens!

#10 - Asami - Ami Hyuga - The Machine Girl

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Secretly, everyone has a weak spot for Asian women. That cute little girl cooking up your wonton soup, you know you've wanted to take her home and show her to your parents. Now, a sexy asian woman with a machine gun for an arm? Well, you just can't top that. See, Asami was captured by a group of thugs who removed one of her arms. She seeks revenge, but as her normal self, she's not really too effective. She soon finds herself in over her head and minus her left arm. Two garage mechanics fit her with a machine gun arm, and the rest is history.

Asami takes great pleasure in amassing a body count that rivals Rambo. And she looks great all along the way. Not that Rambo didn't....Sure it's a rip off of Planet Terror, which was essentially a take on Evil Dead 2's chainsaw arm, but one cannot deny that this is one sexy asian. Just don't piss her off...By the way, if you havent seen the movie, check it out. It's the Story of Ricky of the 2000's.

#9 - Mrs. Bathory - Monika Malacova - Hostel : Part 2

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Don't strain your eyes to catch a little nipple, you won't find it. I can't get booted off blogger just yet. Sure, she only appeared in one brief scene in the film but for me, she stole the entire mediocre movie. Obviously a take on the infamous Elizabeth Bathory, Mrs. Bathory, or as I refer to her, the blood bitch, is a paying customer at Elite Hunting. She doesn't just want to walk into a room and put a bullet in someones head. She wants to bathe in the blood of a virgin. And she does it all nude. Slicing and dicing and enjoying every drop of blood on her beautiful naked body. She even enjoys drinking the blood. If that doesn't get ya off, you might want to question your sexuality. Or maybe you're just not as sick as I. Kudos to you.

#8 - May - Angela Bettis - May

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I've had a soft spot in my heart for Angela Bettis for many years now. And it all started with May. May is at her very core a sweet little innocent girl who just wants someone to play with. She wants a man, the perfect man. Only problem is, the perfect man really does not exist. Billy over there has perfect eyes but lacks in the penile department. Josh has got a beautiful set of legs but his personality is just no good. May wants it all. And if she can't find it all, she'll just create it. She sets about taking all the perfect parts from all the people around her and assembles them all as one perfect man/woman/thing. Aw, how sweet. She gets my vote for the cutest horror villain of all time. Sorry, Hannibal.

#7 - Trash - Linnea Quigley - Return of the Living Dead

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Ah, Linnea Quigley. Wet dream to all horror fans everywhere. With one nude romp through a graveyard, she danced her way into the hearts of all of us. And our hands quickly danced their way into our pants. With a name like Trash, how can you go wrong. Even as a zombie i'm sure most of you would not turn her down. Just make sure that mouth goes nowhere near your nether regions. I met Linnea at a horror convention a few years back and i'm happy to report she hasn't hit the wall just yet.

#6 - Marie - Cecile De France - High Tension

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I've caught a lot of shit for this one. So what, she has short hair. So what, she likes to pick from her own litter. So what, she looks a bit like a boy at certain angles. Marie is fuckin' hot! And it's not easy to be with short hair. Best of all, she's totally fuckin crazy. So crazy in fact that shes convinced herself she is a large burly man. Spoiler alert. Oops, too late. There's a scene in the film where, after seeing her woman friend nude in the shower, Marie pleasures herself on her bed. You had me at hello...

#5-1 COMING SOON!

2 comments:

EyeloveMetal said...

The scene in Hostel 2 WAS badass! especially all the screaming and crying from that one girl heh.. I can't even believe you're making us wait for 5-1# outrageous!

fatb0t said...

hahah pretty good stuff.
Trash always gets me going...haha I've never encountered such nudity.
her sole purpose was to be naked.

We need pics of these horror babes