Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Let me just say, this is the most vile and disgusting piece of trash i've ever witnessed. And not in a good way. The only reason i'm even acknowledging this garbage is because i'm so pissed off at it and i'd like to clear a few things up about us horror fans. But first, i'm gonna need to delve a little bit into the plot of this so called 'movie', in order to make my point.
The movie opens with a young boy finding the dead bruised and beaten body of a young woman. We then cut ahead to our main character, Sandy, telling us a story of how the man that killed the woman from the beginning ended up getting off and his brother, Kevin, went to prison for him. Sandy is in love with Kevin, who has just escaped from prison. Kevin ties up Sandy, fucks her, then brings her into the basement where he has three men tied up. These three men are the men who testified against him at his trial, and Kevin makes it known that he's gonna kill not only the men but also Sandy. Sandy manages to get the upper hand, kills Kevin, and then decides to go ahead and kill the rest of the men anyways, because they had all sexually assaulted her in some form or another in the past. And that's the whole plot. Most of the film consists of Sandy dispatching the men in various depraved ways.
First up is Sandy's neighbor. We learn through completely unnecessary flashback that he had felt Sandy up while drinking cheap beer one day. After putting out a lit cigarette on his schween, Sandy makes him piss his pants then take a shit and eat it. She then chops him up with an axe.
Next is Sandy's boss, who we again learn through flashback offered her a raise if she sucked him off. She shoots him in the balls because he refuses to ram the first guy up the butt.
Finally, there's a man who Sandy at one point made out with, and who date raped her once upon a time. She keeps him alive a little longer than the other two. Naturally, she masturbates with a broom handle, slaps a condom on it, violently rapes him in the backside with it, then sticks a switchblade in his neck.
Now why did I even have interest in watching something like this? I'll admit, I love sick and depraved horror films. I love Last House On The Left. I love I Spit On Your Grave. But even films like those are of such a higher class than trash like this. What these dirtbags did was not make a good movie with sick shit thrown in. They just made a movie full of sick shit to try and be disgusting, and that's where so many horror filmmakers go wrong. There's gotta be a point to all the madness. Although i'll admit, I Spit On Your Grave isn't exactly the classiest film either...
The actress that plays Sandy, Emily Haack, is the most vile and disgusting pig I think i've ever had the displeasure of laying my eyes on. Who the hell birthed this creature? I hope to god that both of her parents died long ago and never had to bear witness to their daughters 'work'. I ask you, what self respecting person in their right mind would drop trow and get completely naked several times over in a no budget horror film? Most women are opposed to even getting topless in a multi million dollar budget film, but this filthy skank is proudly strutting her disgusting naked body throughout 90% of the film, acting like she's got something any man would want to see. She gets felt up by about five different dudes throughout the course of the 70 minute shitfest and, like I said, shoves a broom up her vag. And i'm not talking through movie magic trickery. She really shoves a broom handle up her vag for all to see. Please, Ms. Haack, end your miserable life right now. There's also several shots of full grown men totally naked, their flaccid swinging dicks exposed. What is wrong with these people? What drives a person to think this is acceptable behavior? This movie is absolutely filthy and you're gonna need a couple showers to get all the grime off ya. If any movie ever had the power to transmit STD's to its viewers, this would be the one. I better go get tested...
Alright, so why am I even wasting valuable finger strength to type about this movie and more importantly wasting your time? Here's why. It's movies like these that give us horror fans a bad name. And I mean a really really bad name. There's this stigma out there that horror fans are sick motherfuckers. That we're disgusting (sub) human beings that really don't even deserve to breathe the same air as normal folks. And it's movies like this that only further those stigmas. Truth is, it couldn't be further from the truth. Most horror fans are the nicest kindest people you will ever meet. Just cause we like to watch sick shit on film doesn't make us sick people. This crap is not a horror movie. It's a bunch of dirtbag misguised teens running around cursing as much as possible, fucking each other and throwing blood around, under the impression that what they're doing is creating horror films just like Wes Craven did before them. Everyone who in any way took part in this movie should be locked away from society for the rest of their days. You all represent everything that is wrong with this great genre which we all so love.
What really ticked me off the most was that I found out the director, Eric Stanze, is working on a new no budget film and he somehow got Adrienne King (Friday the 13th) and John Saxon (Nightmare on Elm St) to star. King has only appeared in one movie since Friday Part 2. And this is the director she chose to work with in her second? You've gotta be fuckin kidding me. I should boycott Friday the 13th altogether for this.
A pair of tits, a bunch of blood, a few disgusting ideas, and a shitty old camera is all you need to make an awesome b-horror film, right?!
Stop making us all look bad, will ya? And more importantly, stop making the genre which competent filmmakers worked so hard in creating look bad.