Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Review - Zombie Strippers!


When a secret government chemo-virus that re-animates the dead is unleashed, the military comes in to solve the problem and put an end to all the pesky zombies. The mission looks like a success, but one of the soldiers gets bitten and doesn't tell anyone. He knows doing so would get his brain shot right out of his head so instead, he hides out in a local strip club and eventually bites one of the dancers (Jenna Jameson). Zombie Jenna then re-animates and does an incredibly hot zombie pole dance and soon starts biting others in the club and the entire place becomes overrun with stripping zombies. While at first they're a huge hit (the club patrons want nothing to do with the living strippers anymore) and money maker for the club and it's owner (Robert Englund), things start to get a little out of hand and the non zombified club workers must fight for their lives to kill all the ZOMBIE STRIPPERS!

Should you see it? YES! YES! YES! But only if it's been a lifelong dream of yours to see zombie Jenna Jameson shoot billiard balls out of her undead vagina. So yes, if you're reading this blog, you should see it.

The first 30 minutes of this movie are kind of off putting and may turn off some viewers but I implore you, don't give up on it. There's bad CGI and it's just plain poorly executed and comes off as a lame attempt at making a Planet Terror type film. But then it gets good. Real good. It's almost as if 1/3 of the way through the shooting of the movie, someone realized the amazing potential of the plot, fired the director, and replaced him with a more competent one. It really feels like it's made by two different filmmakers. The gore effects get better and it starts to get realllllly fuckin awesome. Once the zombie soldier bites and turns Jenna Jameson, all hell breaks loose and it's some of the most fun i've ever had watching a movie.

Sure, Jenna Jameson may not look nearly as good as she used to, at least in the face area, but she makes for one of the sexiest zombies ever to grace a movie screen. The whole movie is chock full of naked living and undead hot chicks and it's by far and away the sexiest zombie film ever committed to celluloid. You'll get blue balls just watching it, unless of course you take care of yourself a few times throughout. There's barely a 2 minute span in the movie where there's not a naked chick gracing the screen.

Robert Englund is absolutely awesome and hilarious in this movie, but isn't he always? I've really loved a lot of his most recent work and he really seems to be on top of his game. He plays the crazy racist germaphobic owner of the zombie strip club and almost every line of dialogue out of his mouth is gold. It's awesome to see such an amazing actor use his talents for such fun and over the top material. He never takes himself too seriously and that's why he's so loved among genre fans. There's some clear parallels between his character and George Bush, as seen by his constant attempts to cover up the zombie outbreak and brush it under the rug for the benefit of his pockets. Dont worry, this is far from a politically driven flick, but the anti-Bush sentiments of the filmmaker are made no secret.

There are some problems in the film, but they're all overshadowed by the awesome aspects. The scenes of mass zombie killing by gunfire were pulled off pretty poorly and there was far too much use of CGI, but sometimes even the CGI looked pretty good. Other than those two minor problems, this may very well be the greatest film ever made.

I can't speak enough praise for Zombie Strippers or effectively convey just how amazing this movie is, you just need to see it. It just came out this past Tuesday on DVD and Blu-ray and if you watch movies to have a good time, go blind buy this movie RIGHT NOW. It's one of the most unique, clever, and sexy horror movies i've seen in a long time and it's surely destined to become a cult classic. Robert Englund, Jenna Jameson, and zombies. What's not to love?! It's movies like this one that make it worth wading through hundreds of crap movies to find. These are the movies I live for.

Someone needs to open a zombie themed strip club asap and I really need to make a Zombie Strippers drinking game. If you've seen this movie, please comment below and make your opinions known!

And now, as a reward for reading all that, I give you topless zombie Jenna Jameson!

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jervaise brooke hamster said...

its such a shame that jenna jameson was 34 in this movie, i wish she`d been 18 instead.

Johnny said...

hey, she still looked great!

jervaise brooke hamster said...

true she did, but speaking in more general terms when you go into a strip club you want all the gorgeous sexy young birds on stage to be aged somewhere between 18 and 22 (and definitely no older than 27 or 28) you do not want to see birds in their 30`s whose bodys are not quite as good as they once were, admittedly jenna jameson is one of those exeptions to the rule (she`ll probably still look pretty tasty when she`s 50) but for most birds when they get into their 30`s their looks start to fade badly, whenever i visit a porno site i want to see incredible 18 year old sexpots i do not want to see birds in their 30`s or 40`s.

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