Friday, November 7, 2008
I'm pretty sure i've already done my part in this blog so far of convincing everyone that Freddy is the best horror villain out there. From his rap skills, to his snappy and witty one liners, there's just no topping the bastard son of a hundred maniacs. But one crucial element of Freddy-dom that I haven't talked about is his uncanny ability to manifest himself into whatever the fuck he wants. Thanks to the fact that he lives in dream world, he can literally become whoever or whatever he desires, and he's sure as hell had a lot of fun with that throughout the years. Kinda makes me wonder why he didn't just turn into Jason in FVJ and make Jason battle himself. Hm. But anyway! I give to you, Freddy's coolest most badass manifestations! And for the record, Freddy made dressing as a nurse cool (and creepy) long before The Joker came onto the scene!
Nightmare on Elm Street - Dial a Freddy!
Talk about phone sex! Can any other horror villain lay claim to the ability to lick faces through telephones? Didn't think so! Do Voorhees or Myers even have tongues? Hm, maybe that's why they can't talk. Or maybe they're just too conservative to show 'em.
Nightmare on Elm Street 3 - Dream Warriors - Freddy-Vision!
What's on the tv is not what's important! It's who's in the tv that you should be worried about! Freddy Krueger, makin dreams come true since 1982! Ya ya, I know the first Elm Street wasn't until '84, but that doesn't rhyme so well.
Nightmare on Elm Street 4 : The Dream Master - Invisa-Freddy!
He can be everything, or he can be nothing. Freddy knew he couldn't defeat karate dude in a fist fight, so he just made himself invisible! Brilliant! And don't you dare call him a pussy. It's called TACT.
Nightmare on Elm Street 5 : The Dream Child - Freddy-Cycle!
This is what happens when you drive over the speed limit in Freddy's hometown of Springwood. There are no cops on Elm Street. Just Officer Krueger, at your service! And he's the judge, jury, and executioner of this town!
Freddy vs Jason - Pothead Freddy-Pillar!
While most horror baddies take the typical and easy route of killing teens who engage in these kinds of activities, this particularly laid back version of Freddy wants to do quite the opposite. He just wants to smoke ya up to the point that a giant caterpillar jumping down your throat and taking over your body doesn't seem too unreasonable a payment for his top notch weed!
These are just a few of the many awesome forms and shapes Freddy has taken, but in lieu of my need to head out the door and engage in various lewd activites, i'm gonna have to cut this short. If ya need more, check out Super Freddy, 8 Bit Freddy and Freddy Snake, which thankfully for the rest of us adheres to a strict Patricia Arquette diet.
If you still have any doubts as to who the top horror villain of all time is, you're either in serious denial or you must be Pam Voorhees incarnate or at the very least a member of the Myers family who Michael didn't target one Halloween night. If there are even any of you out there. Just remember who got the last laugh in Freddy vs Jason...