Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Recommendation Of The Week : Thanksgiving-ified!

Tommorow's Thanksgiving so I think it's only natural that I recommend to you this week a Thanksgiving horror flick. What's that? There are no Thanksgiving horror flicks? Sadly, there are not. Aside from Eli Roth's faux Grindhouse trailer, there really are no horror flicks that fit perfectly alongside the turkey and stuffing that are so prevalent around this time of the year. OR ARE THERE?!



So one day this straight laced Elvis wannabe motorcycle dude, Herschell, meets up with this sexy God loving chick, Angel, whose sexy bad influence chick sister, Anne, peer pressures him into smoking some of her weed (in a scene that essentially becomes a how to seminar for smoking weed). Naturally, the dude is instantly hooked and turns into a spastic nut job addict. After all, that's what weed will do to ya, kids. He decides to get a job at a turkey farm where he then takes up the side job of being a guinea pig for the testing of experimental turkey meat, upon the offering of extra cash and some more of the weed he's now so desperately in love with. Again, naturally, the mixing of weed and bad turkey meat turns Herschell into a giant hungry turkey headed man who needs the blood of addicts in order to survive. Because, ya know, drinking the blood of drug addicts will give you a quick fix when you can't score any of your own shit. To all you youngins out there, never ever take even the tiniest hit of your friends marijuana. It truly is the gateway drug. The gateway to turning into a bloodthirsty addict with a giant gobbling turkey head!

Why Should You See It? It's the only anti drug propaganda pro Christianity film masquerading around as a giant murderous turkey horror flick ever crafted by the hands of man. Need I say more?

If you watch only one movie this Thanksgiving, make it Blood Freak! Gather the whole family round after your turkey dinner and dig in! It's got a positive message, so even your grandma will surely find some merit in it! Just keep the kids away, unless you want me them to know how the turkey that they just consumed ended up on their plates. There's a real turkey decapitation! Hey, it's kinda artistic though. I guess...

And I must say, for an anti addiction film, it sure did achieve the opposite of its aim. I'm now an addict because of it! I'm a BLOOD FREAK addict! And I need more!


For more recommendations, check out the films with asterixes next to them in the reviews section! I promise, most of them are better than this one. But I needed a Thanksgiving related horror flick and the pickins are slim. Until Roth turns that trailer into a feature length film (hope hope), this one will just have to do!


Ross Horsley said...

Whoa... I think I need to see this! On the subject of Thanksgiving horrors, don't forget the Jake Steinfeld slasher, Home Sweet Home. Or maybe you're trying to forget it and I just reminded you. Sorry!

John said...

Whoa! Never even heard of that one! Thanks for the heads up!

Ben Forsaken said...

Love Bloodfreak tbh. One of the worst movies I've ever watched too.

Eli Roth needs to go feature length with Thanksgiving!

Anonymous said...

I know I'm 3 years off, never saw your website till today. Love it, just wanted to throw in the ultra cheesy movie "ThanksKilling" for a horror movie on Thanksgiving.

Johnny said...

Haha ya, ThanksKilling is highly amusing!