Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Rabid Grannies (1988)
The film kicks off with a bunch of relatives arriving at the home of the soon to be rabid grannies. It's their yearly birthday party and that means it's the time of the year that all the bloodsucking leech relatives come out to grovel and attempt to win them over in a desperate bid to recieve some serious inheritance once they finally kick the bucket. But when a mysterious gift is opened that was sent from a Satan worshipping nephew, the innocent little grannies are transformed into....RABID BLOODTHIRSTY ZOMBIE DEMON GRANNIES! Inheritance is just about the last thing in store for these motherfuckers!
Should you see it? Look at the title of the film. If that sounds interesting to you, you might find at least some merit in it. If not, stay far far away.
Rabid Grannies is your typical Troma fare. It's actually a Belgian film that was not made by Troma, but distributed by them. Let me rephrase that first sentence. It's your typical Troma fare...once it actually gets moving. The first half hour of the movie is incredibly boring and nothing whatsoever happens. There's no blood. There's no guts. And you may even wanna turn it all off. I know I did. There's so much expository bullshit that films like this realllllly just do not need. It's supposed to be nothing more than a fun bloody good time! So why am I not having fun! And why's there no blood! Here's my recommendation for ya if you intend on watching this movie ; skip right ahead till about 32 minutes into it and then watch from there. All you need to know is a bunch of relatives have come to the house and the grannies have just recieved this strange box that's about to kickstart all the fun. Now press play. And get drunk. And invite friends over. And then keep fast forwarding until the next kill scene comes on.
The problem is, even when it does get going, it's really not all that fun. Apart from the scenes where the rabid grannies are actually on screen, which is surprisingly not so often, it's pretty abysmal. Like I said, there's just way too much boring filler and I found myself doing other things while watching it because it just could not hold my attention. A lot of these movies that rely on gore and guts over story and acting become boring because they just dont have enough of the red stuff in 'em. If you're gonna make a movie like that, you might as well go all out. Go the Dead Alive/Zombie Strippers route and just go for it! Don't hold back. Ya gotta be aware of the kind of movie you're making. I see soooo soooo many films suffer from this problem. You're not making Shawshank 2. Have fun with it! Get crazy! Throw the blood around by the gallon! If there's 20 minutes of boredom in between each kill scene, I'M NOT HAVING FUN!
Ultimately, despite a few scenes of fun, there just aint enough rabid granny in Rabid Grannies to make me ever want to see it again or recommend it to anyone. What could've been a really wild over the top ride turned out to be a total dud. And there's no excuse for a movie about crazed grandmothers consuming their relatives being a dud, is there?
I did however like one of the last lines of the film, spoken by a little boy, so i'll leave you with that. And I quote, "Now I know God doesn't exist...because if he did, he could have stopped all this." Well said, little boy. Well said.