Sunday, June 29, 2008

Hostel Takeover


While Eli Roth has stated that another Hostel would not be made by him, that does not mean another Hostel will not be made. Yes, Hostel Part 3 is in the works and the latest rumor is that Scott Spiegel, the producer of Hostel's 1 and 2, will be writing and directing the third installment, which will be direct to dvd. Spiegel has more then a little bit of horror cred, he also wrote Evil Dead 2 and wrote and directed Intruder. He's currently directing a teen comedy titled Spring Break '83.

Friday, June 27, 2008

O Yes, There Will Be More


While it hasn't been confirmed as being legit, this looks to be early poster art for the upcoming Saw V. Thats 5 for the roman numeral impaired. The film will be about Hoffman carrying on Jigsaw's legacy. Who else really doesn't give a flying shit about Hoffman? Say I. Not that my ass wont be in the theatre this coming Halloween...just saying..

Update : It's been confirmed, this is the official poster

It's All The Rage


Directed by Robert Kurtzman, the man who literally puts the K in KNB FX, The Rage (2007) came packaged with claims such as "This year's ultimate party movie!" and "Reminds fans everywhere why we love this genre" from reputable sources such as Fangoria and Dread Central. It stars Andrew "Wishmaster" Divoff, Erin "Misty Mundae" Brown, and everyones favorite ice cream man, Reggie Bannister. Kurtzman is the man behind Wishmaster and responsible in part for the effects in films such as Hostel, From Dusk Till Dawn, Evil Dead 2, and The Devil's Rejects. How bad could this be!?

The Rage is loaded with killer mutant vultures, zombie/Planet Terror like mutants, horrible acting and poor dialogue....but its fuckin awesome! In short, the film is about a crazed genius scientist, played by Divoff, who at one point in his life found a cure for cancer and was condemned for it. He developed a blood lust, broke free from prison, and created a biological weapon of sorts ; a rage serum that turns you into a bloodthirsty zombie mutant. One of his "patients" gets loose, infecting vultures and everything he touches, and you can figure out the rest.

This movie is balls to the wall gory fun. And yes, it should remind fans everywhere why we love this genre. Good old fashioned cheesy bloody horror! Isn't that what we all love. There is never a dull moment in the 80 minute runtime of this film. It even comes pretty damn close to rivaling Dead Alive on the amount of blood spillage. Given Kurtzman's special effects background, you can bet your ass that the gore effects are pulled off well, no cgi included. The only cgi you get is the diabolical vultures that wreak havoc throughout. They're pretty goddamn entertaining, I wouldn't mind seeing a movie starring just them! The dialogue is horrendous, the delivery of it even worse, but one cannot argue that this one is a hell of a fun movie. The ultimate party movie? It's definetly up there!

If you don't believe me, check this out...

Yes, that was poop. How often do you see that in a horror movie?! Monsturd not included....

Sorry folks, sadly, Misty Mundae does not get nude. I can't figure out how she managed to turn in a good performance in the Masters of Horror episode Sick Girl, cause she was truly terrible in this one. I'm not sure her mainstream acting career has got any legs.

I challenge you to give this movie a rent and not have fun! A few beers and a little of the green stuff might not hurt...

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Did They Really Just Do That!? - A Little Off The Top

How do you turn this pretty little redheaded girl


into this?


well, click the play button and find out you sick bastard!

Yes, the audio commentary is there on purpose. It makes me giggle.

Most of you will recognize this scene from Lucio Fulci's The Beyond. And most of you will have rewound this scene several dozen times over several dozen alcoholic beverages with your friends. You guys are truly sick motherfuckers. Shame on you.

There are a few things that are considered taboo in movie world. One of them is the killing of a child. And i'm not talking the little dweeb dying at the end of Pay it Forward..that was only for oscar consideration, right? I'm talking the brutal murder of a child. Hostel Part 2 had it. Rambo had it. The Beyond wrote the goddamn book on it.

Taboo is a word that was not in Lucio Fulci's vocabulary. He stopped at nothing to give even the seasoned horror fan something they had never seen before. And for that, we bow to you, Mr. Fulci.

Funny How? Funny Like a Clown?


This is not so much of a review as it is an explanation. My review is, go rent it, it rocks.

Funny Games (2008) is nothing more then another bloody and brutal torture film, right? Wrong. Funny Games is the antithesis of such films. Instead, it is a criticism of such films and a criticism of America's fascination with watching people get tortured and murdered.

Throughout the entire movie, we are continually reminded, through characters talking to the audience and the rewind scene, that this is not reality, this is just a movie. We can pause, rewind, fast forward, or even entirely stop this family from being murdered. But we don't. We don't want to. We want to watch this, we want to see brutality. At one point Naomi Watt's character says "why don't you just kill us?" and Peter replies "you shouldn't forget the purpose of entertainment." A nod to the audience, it's only a movie. When Peter and Paul are placing the bet on the familys lives, Paul says, directly to us, "what do you think? you think they stand a chance? you're on their side arent you? Who are you betting on, hm?" Who's side are we on? Paul ungags Ann and says "it's boring when mutes suffer...we want to entertain our audience." He later says "do you think its enough? You want a real ending right, with plausible plot development, dont you?" Paul is constantly telling us that they are only doing these horrible things for our entertainment. Then you have the rewind scene. Which, if you missed the whole point of the movie as many did, will make zero sense to you and will seem quite ridiculous. Well, when we see somebody get blown away with a shotgun, what do we do? We do exactly what Paul did, we scramble for the remote, hit the rewind button, and watch it over again. But this time, the events change, the killer does not die, because that is not what we truly want. That would be end of movie, end of torture. We want it to continue. The most obvious nod to America's fascination with pain and violence towards others, is the long long shot of a bloody televsion, showing a Nascar race. Blood...Nascar....two of America's favorite pasttimes.

Everyone's been saying how boring and painful this movie is to watch. Well, in my opinion, that's kind of the point. Like I said, we pay to see a movie like this to watch this family get tortured right? Well, what the director did was show us how really long and painful and torturous such a thing is in reality. Theres no glamarous special effects shots. It's long drawn out and realistic..painfully so. When the family members are finally dispatched, we don't even see it. It's very nonchalant. People have been crticizing the movie for not being gory enough! How come we didnt see the family members get killed! That's just what we wanted isn't it? And we are proving the entire point of the film right there.

In the last conversation between Peter and Paul at the end of the film, Paul says "But isnt fiction real...well you can see it in a movie right...well, then its just as real as reality..cause you can see it too." In other words, if we love watching violence in fiction, what does that say about us in reality? Is it ok to enjoy and get off on just cause its fiction?

I believe the end of the movie, when Peter and Paul sail to another house to do this all over again to another family, is showing us how we, the audience, right after after we witness an act of violence, want to go right on to the next one. Pop the next torture film in, I haven't had my fix.

Now I know im not some genius breaking new ground here as the point of this film was fairly obvious, but I just wanted to give my 2 cents as it seems it went right over most peoples heads. Nor am I saying every point i've made is entirely what was intended, this is just one man's interpretation of a genius film. Also, yes I am obviously a huge fan of horror and of watching people get tortured and killed on the big screen. Sue me. America's fascination with violence is sick and I can certaintly appreciate someone showcasing their opinion of it in the form of a horror film, but make no mistake, i'm a fan of movie violence as much, if not more so, then the next guy. I do think it was brilliant that Michael Haneke decided to remake his own film shot for shot for an American audience. He's clearly passionate about getting his voice out there on this matter, and felt Americans need to see this film. And they do...but i'll never stop loving my violence. Guess i'm a hypocrite.

Crawlspace - The Original Social Networking Tool


Crawlspace (1986) revolves around Karl Gunther, former euthanasian and now landlord who slaughters his female tenants. With general interests such as burning his hand over a hot stove, creating torture devices, putting on makeup and a top 8 that consists of Adolf Hitler and Dr. Kevorkian, Gunther is a surefire hit with the ladies. He even has a particular affinity with rats.

Played utterly creepily by Klaus Kinski, Gunther is one of the best villians in horror movie history in my opinion. He certaintly wins the award for best horror villain hair do. If you have any doubts as to whether or not mullets are cool, watch this movie. Kinski is so fucking creepy. If you've seen Nosferatu (1979) or for that matter any photos of the man, you'll know what I mean. Gunthers house is armed to the teeth with torture devices and hidden passageways. He crawls through the vents and slyly peers into the girl's rooms before dispatching them. It also comes furnished with a tongueless girl in a cage who Gunther keeps alive merely as someone to talk to. Of course, she can't talk back, but isnt that every man's dream woman?

This is a creepy little film. I say little because it runs just around 80 minutes, and there is never a dull moment, which is not something you can say often when it comes to horror films. It feels like a half hour, and that's a good thing. If you thought Deer Hunter was the be all end all for badass russian roulette scenes, think again. Gunther plays alone, thats just how he rolls, and he can never seem to win...or is it lose? He loads the chamber with one bullet and puts it to his head several times throughout the film. When the gun clicks off and no bullet is fired out, Gunther sadly exclaims "so be it." I guess in his mind thats considered losing.

This is one of those movies that I suspect if you watched as a child would give you terrible terrible nightmares and may still haunt you to this day. Crawlspace was directed by David Schmueller. Dont worry, that name shouldn't ring a bell for you. Unless your Mrs. Schmueller. His work however will ring a bell. He also wrote and directed Puppet Master and Tourist Trap. I had never really heard too much about this movie until I picked it up at a yard sale on vhs the other day, and I will definetly be spreading the word. You can check it out on dvd in a Midnite Movies double feature along with The Attic, which I have yet to see, but will make it a point to do so.

You must watch this video titled "Please Kill Mr. Kinski" that was made by the director of Crawlspace, detailing his experiences on set with the notoriously prickish actor. We should be thankful that this movie ever ended up being finished.

Heil Gunther

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

CG-WHY!? Horrible CGI Moments

Those with a keen eye for cgi will notice and be incredibly bothered by even trace amounts of the stuff in a horror film. Those who think CGI is a sexually transmitted disease will likely not be bothered by or even able to pick out such moments...although they may be likely to fear catching it. I'm sure most people reading this blog would take Savini over computer anyday. Although I guess George Romero no longer agrees....and that brings us to Land of the Dead.

Don't get me wrong, i'm a fan of the film, but good lord, the cgi throughout is almost unbearable at times. Until the coup de grace of bad cgi, where it's no longer almost unbearable.

So there's this dude who gets into a jeep and is suddenly grabbed on the shoulder by what we can only assume is a zombie.


He turns and we see that this is a headless zombie.


No brain, how do you kill this thing?! Welllll, turns out this particular zombies head is still hanging on by a thread. Suddenly, without a warning telling us to close our fucking eyes before the movie is ruined for us, which by the way is hard to do after seeing Asia Argento in a bra, a computer generated head swings its way back on and latches on to our hapless victims arm.





Ok, quick enough, shitty effect, lets move on to the next thing. But no! There's more! After the bite, the head swings back to its original place, and we get to see it all in all its horrible cgi glory! George Romero, what the fuck! Shame on you! I know you're an old motherfucker, but come on. If anyone should know better. Perhaps it was a good idea on paper? Perhaps? The Dead films were based on incredible practical effects courtest of Tom Savini. Why not bring him back for this one? Or was he too busy phoning in a sub-par performance in a b movie. The Ripper anyone? Kidding, I love the man, even if he is a prick...allegedly. Land of the Dead....good movie....bad cgi.

I think we all need this after that...


The Death of Death

Let's face it, horror as we once knew it, whether we like it or not, is dead. And it happened long before Jason was blown off into space or the Leprechaun returned to da hood. Six feet under. A fitting place for the genre to be, I suppose. And sadly, I don't think Herbert West is gonna be busting out his neon green filled needle to revive this one.

I've decided to create this blog for the horror fan. The horror fan who's nipples perk up at the mention of 80's horror. I will be reviewing and re-visiting classic films in the genre as well as covering the new shit we all pay top dollar to see stink up the big screen nowadays. I'll also be posting the latest news and even interviews with genre favs, along with much much more fun and excitement. All things horror. I've always wanted to create a blog for such things but have always been far too fuckin lazy. Well, i've gotten off my lazy ass, although actually im still on it, which I guess is the beauty of blogging. It all started with my recent visit to everyones least favorite video chain....

I went into Blockbuster last night, the same Blockbuster I used to frequent in my youth, and the same Blockbuster I quit from after one month via dropping a notice in the drop box, but that's another story. I went in and saw that everything had been redone. A Blu-ray station, new shelving, new layout, new everything. I looked around for a good 5 minutes at the sections of rentals. Drama. Comedy. Action. Family. Where was horror? I could not find it anywhere. So I asked the lovely customer service rep where the horror section was and she directed me towards the back of the store. The action section. And there it was. Under a sub-genre of action. Horror. The bastard child of the movie gods, relegated to a tiny dank area of the action section. Not even a half of a shelf. A tiny tiny section chock full of the same 100 or so horror movies. Mostly ridiculous indie House on the Edge of the Hills With Eyes those even get a spot on Blockbusters shelves makes me scratch my head. Five copies of each movie. Now, I remember the days when you'd come into the horror section and spend an hour perusing all the wonderful titles. Those glorious sun faded vhs covers. It seems the horror section was always put right by the window, sun beating down on it. One copy of each. If you were looking for Friday the 13th Part 3, but someone had already snatched it up, too fuckin bad. You wait till next week when it's returned and you rent Part 2 for the tenth time in the interim to hold you off. Those were the days. I feel bad for today's horror loving youth who will never know those joys. Nowadays, if they can even find the horror section, they have a limited selection of awful titles to choose from. While I cannot argue that Blockbuster looked pretty damn good with its renovations, I can't help but shed a tear inside for the final nail in the coffin of my movie renting youth. Its over, it will never be back.

I fondly remember renting the Nightmare on Elm Street films time and time again, always forgetting which ones I had seen and which I hadn't. In retrospect, i'm pretty sure I had seen all of them within the first week of discovering Mr. Krueger. One of my best memories of my youth, in fact, was watching Dream Master with my mom. My brother and dad had gone off to stay in a cabin upstate for the weekend. I was left with mom. Torture for some, but not for me, at least on that night ;) We rented Dream Master, got some circus peanuts, and had a great night out of it. And I dont even like circus peanuts. I don't think. Still kind of on the fence. I will never forget it and Elm Street will always have a special place in my heart. No, watching those films on blu-ray will not satiate my hunger. Which is why I still hold on for dear life to my horror vhs collection. I don't think i'll ever give up on those suckers for that very reason. My little fountain of youth.

So, if you're into horror and are fed up with the current state of it, keep an eye on this blog. Put it in your favorites, comment, and lets get this ball rollin. We are not happy and we're not gonna put up with it anymore...

....and if Freddy ever gets sent into outer space, lets all make a suicide pact, eh?