Saturday, August 30, 2008

Horror Movie Pet Peeves

There are qualities inherent in nearly all of the horror movies we see that just piss us right the hell off, are there not? Little quirky cliches that, granted, define the genre but become so repetitive and expected that they drive us up the goddamn wall. Things such as...

-Victim finally makes his way to his vehicle...hallelujah...but the car won't fuckin start!

How many times can we see this before we abandon horror films altogether?! How often does your car, for no apparent reason, fail to start!? And why must it always happen at the worst possible times. Even if your car is brand spankin new and top of the line, rest assured it will not start when you need it to. Leatherface is hot on your tail but your god forsaken car is gonna be the death of you. And you can bet your ass that the second he reaches the car, it'll start working again.

Example : The Hills Have Eyes (2006)



-Objects in mirror are...so fuckin' cliche!

This may be the most annoying epidemic to ever hit the horror scene. I couldn't say which film started the trend, but it needs to be buried. It's getting so bad that a movie was made about killer mirrors themselves! Our hapless victim is innocently washing her face or taking the medication that she needs to get over the pain of a horrific experience, and when she shuts the medicine cabinet mirror, the killer is behind her, scaring the holy hell out of us all...but not really since we knew the second she entered the bathroom this was gonna happen. And don't think it's ok to provide the scare through sound when the cabinet is shut but have no one even be there, that's just as lame and unoriginal.

Example : I don't seem to own any of the shitty movies that possess this cliche(which comforts me), so i'll post this clip from Shaun of the Dead, poking fun at the mirror scare



-Bad CGI

Nothing will take me out of a horror movie faster then a case of bad computer gore effects. CGI is intended to enhance existing effects, not to entirely create new ones. If done well, it can be amazing (Machine gun leg in Planet Terror). But if done poorly, like it usually is, it can be a truly terrible thing. This is becoming a growing problem that has ruined many a horror film. How can you buy into what you're seeing on the screen when someone gets shot and you see bright red digital blood fly out of their cranium. What's even sadder is that gore effects were so much more effectively done back in the 80's...almost 30 years ago. Go figure. We need to start a petition to ban CGI in horror altogether.

Example : Land of the Dead



-When the moon is full I spout fur and rip apart my friends and family, but no one believes me!

When someone cries bloody murder in a horror film, believe them! Nearly any time something horrible is happening to someone, nobody chooses to believe them. They suggest taking medication or quelling your overactive imagination...anything to avoid the truth. Not even a dead body will convince them. It must be a joke or your mind playing tricks on you. Or you're just plain drunk. Once that motherfucker finally gets bit by you in werewolf form, you bet your sweet ass he's gonna believe you then.

Example : The Mist



-Bad Remakes

I am not of the mindset that remakes are the product of Satan. There have been several that I even enjoyed more then the original and I think that if done right, a remake can be a very positive thing. At the very least we get a special edition dvd release of the original out of it! But what is the point of a remake? Other then the simple fact of cashing in on an established name, a remake is supposed to be a fresh updated version of the old wrinkly original. Most classic horror movies were made back in the day on a shoestring budget by a group of friends. Now, major studios have tens of millions of dollars to pour into these things...but they're no better then the original! In most cases, they're far worse. Now what is the point in that?

Examples : The Fog, Prom Night, When a Stranger Calls, The Omen, The Eye, The Wicker Man, Black Christmas, Halloween, and on and on.

-I just hit my killer over the head with a frying pan..he's gotta be dead, i'm goin home

This one is perhaps the most frustraing of all the horror cliches. After an hour and a half of being chased and terrorized by some sicko in a scary mask, watching him mutilate and rape your dearest friends, you finally get the upper hand. You manage to lay him out, stab him, shoot him, whatever the case may be. And then you just assume he's dead and fuckin walk off! Now i've never been in such a situation, but i'm gonna bet that if some dude killed my entire family and then tried to anally violate me with the business end of a steak knife, I would not leave that room until that motherfucker was in at least three pieces! The worst of this scenario is when the victim is in possession of a sharp object/gun, but instead of stabbing the shit out of him and playing with his entrails/shooting him in the head till the gun cant shoot no more, they drop it right by his feet!

Example : Friday the 13th Part 2



-Jump Scares

It seems filmmakers these days just dont know how to scare an audience. Instead of supplying real terror, suspense, atmopshere, and thinks of that ilk, they now rely on the jump scare. Sure, it may make the black dude in front of you jump and scream like a little girl, but it's really not scary and you're not fooling anyone into thinking your movie is scary, either. These scares do not further the movie or even relate to the plot of the movie whatsover. They're thrown in for the sole purpose of making you jump out of your seat. Most of the time, it ends up being a cat or a mouse or some other little harmless animal jumping out of a cabinet or off a bookshelf. It seems true scary movies died off many decades ago.

Example - Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)



There's a whole lot more annoying cliches in horror films that I could talk about, but these are the ones that get to me the most. Like I said, i'm well aware that all of these things make up the fabric of the genre, but they're getting just a tad bit old. We need some originality injected into our horror movies.

Share your thoughts! What are your most hated horror movie cliches?

Friday, August 29, 2008

Saw V - The Return Of Dr. Gordon?

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A new batch of stills from the upcoming Saw V have hit the net, in the form of a video on Youtube. Among the pictures is the official poster for the film (pictured above) that, since you can't make it out on the small image I had to upload to fit on here, has the words "You won't believe how it ends" on the top. Could this mean the end of the Saw series? I highly doubt it. I think it's just telling us to expect a twist ending which, if you've seen any of the films in the series, you were already prepared for a twist. But how the film ends could tie in to the last picture in the video. Check it out :



That is in fact Dr. Gordon (Cary Elwes) from the original Saw. Fans have been speculating and talking about the return of Gordon for years now, given the fact that we have never seen him die. While this could simply be a flashback shot, as the ones of Jigsaw surely must be, it could also mean the return of a footless Dr. Gordon to the fold. Could he come in to take over Jigsaw's work? Or is the author of this video fucking with us all. As you may recall, the picture of Gordon is merely one of the pictures Adam took in Saw. Only time will tell. Saw V will arrive in theaters October 24th.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Prom Has Never Sucked So Much

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Prom Night (2008) is not so much a remake of the 1980 original of the same name. It has the same title, and the same general theme (a prom), but that's about all that ties the two together. The Jamie Lee Curtis classic, this one is not...

Prom Night centers around Donna (Brittany Snow) who came home one night many years ago to find her family murdered by her obsessive teacher. She even witnessed her mother get killed right in front of her very eyes. It is now several years later and Donna's prom is right around the corner. Her family's killer has conveniently just escaped from prison and you can be sure that Donna and all her friends are about to get slaughtered at the prom. In short : A killer sits in a hotel room and waits for teens to come up from prom to get things or fuck or what have you, and he kills them.

Boy o boy. PG13 horror. PG13 horror remake, at that. Must we remake every classic Jamie Lee Curtis film? Halloween. Sucked. The Fog. Sucked. Prom Night. Really really sucked. Even Terror Train is up on the remake agenda. And you can be sure it will suck. But we're talking about Prom Night here. This film is absolutely abysmal. Not that I expected any more from it, I just have a tendency to want to watch every new horror movie that comes out, mostly so I can warn everyone away from them.

There's a whole laundry list of things that are dreadful about this one. First of all, the killer is terrible. He's not scary, he's not shrouded in mystery, he's just a crazy ex teacher who want's to fuck his student. The gore is...o wait, there is no gore. Nearly every kill in the movie is exactly the same, and we see none of it. Not that every horror film needs copious gore (see : Halloween) but in a movie like this it's pretty necessary to bring any interest to the proceedings. If there's no gore, you at least need suspense. There is absolutely none of it. Although Brittany Snow seems to think there is. I watched the making of, purely to see if the filmmaker's took this thing seriously or were just cashing in on the name, and Snow said this film is "more about suspense." Funny. We don't care about any of the characters in it whatsoever. They're all cookie cutter cliches and the sooner they get the knife, the better. Speaking of cliche, it's packed full of every horror cliche in the book. If you weren't sick of the jump scare cliche of girl opens medicine cabinet, girl closes medicine cabinet, girl sees reflection of scary dude behind her, you sure as hell will be after this movie. There's a handful of such occurences. Worst of all, you will know every thing that's going to happen before it happens. That goes for dialogue and plot developments. There's a scene where a woman is cleaning a big yellow bowl and you just know she's gonna find a reason to drop it. Who wrote this crap? Better yet who allowed this script to be greenlit?

Prom Night is so bad that the only redeeming quality I found in it was a 2 second clip of Cant Hardly Wait on a tv in one scene. To make matters worse, the director essentially compared his film to Seven and Silence of the Lambs in the making of featurette. Can you say delusional? Throughout the entire movie, I was hoping I would be the next one to get killed off. Sadly, I wasn't. If you thought your prom sucked a big one, you may just wanna think again. I never went to mine, but if there was a killer on the loose, I think I may have rethought that decision.

Tom Savini's Greatest Hits

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Tom Savini is, needless to say, a god among the horror community. Savini is responsible for the effects in some of the greatest and most classic horror films out there. And he's the best at what he does. Long before the days of CGI, Tom brought us kills and gore that were more realistic then the crap we see done over 20 years later with modern technology. When you watched a movie with Savini's effects, you knew you were gonna see things that would blow you away and best of all, you knew they were all really happening right in front of your eyes. While Tom Savini is currently focusing on acting over effects, his contributions to the horror genre will forever be admired, respected, and keep us wondering just how the fuck he pulled it all off. While his work is certaintly prolific and good enough to warrant a top 10 or even a top 20 list, I figured i'd pick the cream of the crop ; my top 5 favorite Tom Savini effects!

#5 - Day of the Dead - Capt. Rhodes Ripped In Two



First off I wanna say thank you Tom Savini for killing Capt. Rhodes in such a brutal way. I hated that motherfucker and waited a good two hours to see this happen and I was not dissapointed. A perfect example of Savini's greatness. His work does not look like a special effect, like we see so often in horror movies. He's a true magician ; making us believe what we see on screen is real.

#4 - Maniac - Savini Kills Himself



We've seen Savini blow the heads up of many people, but in Maniac, he turns the shotgun on himself. And it looks amazing. One of my favorite head explosions in all of horror. The whole thing is shot in slo-mo and is absolutely seamless. Hate to see your head blown to high hell, Tom, but I can't stop watching this one.

#3 - Day of the Dead - Zombies Get A Little Head



The second appearance of Day of the Dead on this list, and it's for good reason. Most fans and i'm pretty sure even Savini himself consider Day to be his masterpiece of horror. The effects throughout the film are top notch and i'm pretty sure I could make a top 10 off this film alone. This is one of the more brutal zombie tear aparts i've seen.

#2 - Friday the 13th : Final Chapter - Jason Gets Killed...Again



Savini, who did the effects in the original Friday, returned for Part 4 so that he could kill off his own creation, Jason Voorhees. And while Jason certaintly had been killed before and would, as we now know, be killed many times after, Savini pulled off the best Jason kill of all. A lesser man would simply have the machete embedded in Jason's skull. Savini showed us every gruesome moment of Jason sliding down the blade of the machete. Bravo.

#1 - The Burning - Rafting Gone Wild



In my opinion, Savini's greatest work bar none. Five teens slaughtered in the most brutal of ways in a matter of 30 seconds. This may be one of the best gore scenes in all of cinema. Savini employed a similar technique to the one he used in the original Friday the 13th ; establish the weapon as being real by having it miss and take a few chunks out of the wood, then cut to the fake weapon maiming it's victims. We know it aint real but damnit if it doesn't look like it.

Thank you Tom Savini for all you have done. I will now cease the figurative blow job I have been giving for the past several moments. Leave a comment and share your favorite Tom Savini effect!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Irony In Film

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I was watching The Princess Bride last night for what has to be at least the 100th time, but it had been a few years since I last watched it so I had not picked up on this little bit of irony until now.

In Princess Bride, Westley, played by Cary Elwes, is telling Prince Humperdinck what he's going to do to him for planning to kill his dear Buttercup. He tells him he is going to remove his feet below the ankles. 17 years later, in Saw, Cary Elwes' character is forced to remove his own foot below the ankle. I've joined the two clips for your viewing pleasure.



Nothing all that exciting, but as a movie geek at heart I was pretty amused by this little coincidence. Perhaps it was Elwes' divine fate to appear in Saw. Or perhaps not. Perhaps this was a clever nod to Princess Bride from the Saw filmmakers. Or perhaps not. Most likely a mere coincidence. Regardless, what goes around comes around, Westley.

Halloween 2 Gets A French Twist

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As i'm sure we've all been expecting, there will be a sequel to Rob Zombie's Halloween remake. As was also expected, it will not be directed by Zombie. Instead, the franchise has been handed over to French directors Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury. Bustillo and Maury previously directed the Dimension Extreme gore fest Inside. Does this mean Halloween 2 will be a subpar film loaded with gratuitious gore? I'll take that over Zombie's remake any day. The two told Rue Morgue magazine "...our vision will be done with utmost respect, with a continuity of [Zombie's] work but also a real evolution of the world he set in place." The full interview will be available in the September issue of the magazine.

Didn't Myers get his brains blown out at the end of the remake? Ah well, no matter. I guess Loomis is still alive too, as I remember hearing both Tyler Mane and Malcolm McDowell had signed on for at least one sequel. Maybe a mindless gore laden Halloween film is what we need to have a little fun and forget about that last one.

What do you think? Are these French dudes capable of pulling it off?

Monster Mania Recap

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Was hoping to get to this sooner but i've been recovering from my weekend ever since I got back! Here's a little recap of my time at Monster Mania 11 in Cherry Hill, New Jersey!

I once again did not get to meet Robert Englund as I had planned. On Friday night, my girlfriend (Jen) and I decided to hop on the line as it wasn't too long. As soon as we got there we were told the line had been cut off at the people right in front of us. Saturday we went back and waited on line for a good half hour before finally giving up. Would it have been worth it? Probably, but i'm not about to blow an entire day at the convention standing on a line in the blazing hot sun. That's not my idea of fun. I also was not able to attend the Nightmare on Elm Street reunion for the same reasons. The auditorium was way too packed and if I could have even made it in the room, I would've been smashed against a wall between two heavy set gentleman with foul odors. Can we agree to lose some weight, fellow horror geeks, so we can all squeeze into these things? I did manage to snap a picture in the lobby with Elm Street stars Andras Jones (Part 4), Toy Newkirk (Part 4), and Rodney Eastman (Part 3/4).

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This convention needs a little more fine tuning so that when you pay to attend, you actually get to see all the stuff you're paying for. But in any event, that's all the bad, it was mostly all good.

I didn't meet Corey Feldman. His line was pretty long and I didn't really intend on meeting him anyway. Corey Haim was seen around the hotel on a few occasions. He seemed to be having a great time and he looked very gracious and happy to be there. Although he was probably just happy that he's still alive. I did meet Tyler Mane, Jason Mewes, and Tom Savini. All of them were very pleasant, which is somewhat uncharacteristic for Savini. I barely recognized Mane with the huge beard he was sporting.

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Mewes and Mane were both charging $25 a piece for their autographs. A little crazy if you ask me. It seemed a few of the stars upped their prices this time around. Maybe if you grew your hair out Jay, then it would be worth it.

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Most of the time at night was spent in the infamous hotel bar. Friday night I sat right next to Jake Busey for most of the night. He seemed to be a bit of a prick, acting like he owned the place. Or maybe I just got a look at his face and assumed he was a prick. How could you not?

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This encounter made for another interesting encounter the following night. I was hanging out with two drunk guys at the bar, who seemed pretty cool and pretty drunk. One of them even bought me a shot. Well, I was telling them about the previous night and how Busey seemed like a dick. Right when I said that, Busey walked into the bar behind us. So this asshole points to me and says to Busey, "This guy thinks you're a dick." While it was pretty humorous, it was certaintly uncalled for. It didn't result in me having to kick any Busey ass, and I just told him the dude was drunk and he shrugged it off, but have some class, will ya. Although this is a horror convention. Can I really demand class? Thanks for the shot though, prick.

The funniest moment of the weekend came Friday night by the elevators. Kane Hodder was hanging out in the lobby and apparently wanted a picture to be taken of him and who he was referring to as his girlfriend. He approached a group of overweight girls who were waiting to go up to their room, to presumably feast, and he asked one of them if she would take the picture. Having no idea who he was, she gave him a very rude no, which seemed to bruise his ego and anger him quite a bit. I'd imagine the look I saw is the same one Kane had on his face when he was turned down for Freddy vs Jason. A guy next to the gaggle of fatties asked them if they knew who they just turned down and explained to them, to which they apologized and told him to come back. Kane would have none of that, so he pointed to them and said "Go fuck yourself"!!! I'm pretty sure he repeated this line a good two or three times. Absolute gold. You fucked up, ladies. Even Voorhees hasn't got the time for fatties. After he left, I heard the girls saying he was creepy and had "scaly hands" and that they wouldn't be meeting him the following day. As if they planned on it anyway. I'd hate to be them walking into the autograph room on Saturday. I'd hate to be them, period.

Speaking of Voorhees, the new Jason, Derek Mears, was hanging out in the bar all weekend. He seemed like a hell of a nice guy and spent his nights getting drunk and chatting it up with horror fans. That's what I like to see. Give him a few years working in the genre and he'll probably tire of it, though.

Horror conventions are not just about the stars, they're also about the merchandise. The dealer rooms were packed with cool new stuff i'd never seen before. I picked up a Friday the 13th : New Blood poster, Cinema of Fear series 1 Freddy Krueger action figure (which I planned on getting signed by some of the stars but spent too much time in my room drinking and missed them), The Dark Side of Oz dvd (Wizard of Oz synced up with Dark Side of the Moon), the official Monster Mania 11 shirt (which is actuallty pretty cool) and a couple other odds and ends. The best purchase of the weekend came from my girlfriend. She picked up a replica Elm Street Dream Warriors glove for a hundred bucks. The original price was 150$, the guy lowered it to 125$ for the con, she talked him down to 100$. This thing is absolutely awesome and 100% legit.

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Also picked up this badass Killer Klowns shirt from Fright Rags :

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This year, there was a seperate room in the hotel called "Maskapalooza" It was an extra ten bucks to get in, but was pretty cool. The room was full of masks, wax figures, and the people who made them, including Don Post Jr. Sloth, Schlitzie from Freaks, and even Land of the Dead's Big Daddy made it out :

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One of the more frightening costumes of the weekend came in the form of a clown. It took a lot of courage to pose for this picture :

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Batman and even the Joker, back from the dead, made an appearance and managed to mend their differences

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He wasn't the only Batman in attendance, however. There was also this gender bending version, in a pose off with Jen

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I could go on and on posting all the pictures from the weekend, but I wont bore you. If you do wanna check them out, go HERE for the entire album.

As expected, I did not get around to seeing Argento's Mother of Tears. I will however check it out as soon as it becomes available on dvd and have a review up.

That about wraps it up. Had an awesome time as usual. The horror community continues to be full of the nicest and coolest people i've ever met. Already eagerly anticipating March, where some sort of Friday the 13th reunion will be taking place. If anyone reading this also attended the con, drop me a line and let me know!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Movies I'd Like To See

Ash vs Leatherface

Ash and Leatherface. The two most badass chainsaw wielding motherfuckers out there. Good enough reason to have them square off in a battle to the death on the big screen? I think so. Unlike a film like Freddy vs Jason, where neither of the two can really be killed, Ash vs Leatherface would be a legit death match where you know by the end of the film, one of your favorite horror icons is gonna bite the bullet...or should I say the chainsaw. But how do we get these two characters together in a believable way? I'm about to tell ya!

Ash vs Leatherface would take place after the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and of course after Army of Darkness. But Leatherface only has one arm at this point, ya dumb fuck, bet ya didnt think of that! Well actually I did and it's precisely the reason I wanna see this one.

Leatherface returns home after the events of the remake, sans arm, and seemingly forced into retirement from the killin business. What's he to do now? Ole Leatherface has naturally resorted to alcohol and pain pills to quell the pain and embarassment of a killing career lost. Momma to the rescue. Leatherface's mom is gonna have none of this business. She needs human meat to chown down on and she aint about to go hunting it down herself. Not to mention she can't stand to see her little boy in such a state of distress. So what does she do? She heads down into the basement and begins work on a chainsaw that can be fitted to Tommy's stump. I think you can begin to see where this is going. You can flush that whiskey and those pills down the toilet, big guy, you're back in business. Back and better then ever. So where does Ash come into play?

Well, it's been 15 years since Army of Darkness and, with a healthy pension from S-Mart, Ash has retired to Texas. Ash is now 50 years old and its been exactly 15 years since his chainsaw arm has been put to good use. I say good use because he has used it to chop down a tree on occasion. The arm is locked up in the basement to ensure that his young boy can not get his hands on it. Yes, Ash has been busy in the past several years. He's got a wife and a 12 year old kid, who is aptly named Ashley Jr. Well here's where things get ugly. Ash's wife goes out for a stroll in the countryside...and doesn't come back. When her body turns up it is determined that she died via chainsaw wounds. Ash goes on the hunt for the culprit, which leads him to the Hewitt residence. Time to dust off the ole chainsaw arm and get to slicin and dicin, baby.

So what do you think? Am I whacked out of my skull or does this sound like a pretty cool fuckin movie!? And who do you think would be triumphant? I see it going a little something like this...
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...figuratively, of course.

Monster Mania 11

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Tommorow i'm heading off to the Monster Mania 11 convention in Cherry Hill, New Jersey and I will return Sunday with full coverage of my exploits as well as a plethora of images and hopefully even some video!

Guests slated to appear include Robert motherfuckin' Englund, Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Heather Langenkamp, Tyler Mane, Derek Mears, Kane Hodder, and even Jason Mewes. There's gonna be a Lost Boys reunion as well as a Nightmare on Elm Street reunion featuring stars from various films in the franchise. I don't care if I have to wait all day on line, I am determined to meet Englund this time around.

Saturday night there will be a screening of Dario Argento's new film, Mother of Tears, which i'd like to get around to seeing but never really make it to the movies at conventions. Mother of Tears will not be out on dvd until a month from now, so i'd prefer to not miss this opportunity. I will have a review of it up if I do see it. On top of all that, a live performance of the Lost Boy's theme song, Cry Little Sister!

Looks to be a jam packed convention and a hell of a good time and i'm looking forward to writing about it come Sunday.

For more info on the con, check out the website HERE

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Men Who Were Jason Voorhees

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Believe it or not, over the course of 12 Friday the 13th films (counting the upcoming remake) Jason Voorhees has been essenially played by 13 (14 technically)different actors. That's gotta be a record. That may not add up, but read on, it'll all come together. That number is even more astonishing given the fact that, in four of the films, Jason was played by the same dude. Interestingly enough, Jason was never even intended to carry the Friday the 13th series. Talk about a happy accident. Save for a tiny scene at the end as a child, Jason was not even seen in the original Friday the 13th and he never even got his trademark hockey mask until the third installment. As was seen in Scream, those are little bits of trivia you can pretty much fool any casual genre with. But in any event, just who are these 11 men who have played Jason and where the hell have they been since they took off the mask? Let's go on a little journey through the back woods of Camp Crystal Lake.

Friday the 13th - Ari Lehman

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I'm not sure which is scarier...him as a young undead Jason or him now. Ari Lehman was only 15 years old when he tackled the first incarnation of everyone's favorite masked killer. This still does not land him in the record books as the youngest actor to play the role, however. The story goes that Ari went to the Friday casting session to read for the role of Jack. When director Sean Cunningham landed eyes on him, he said to him "You're the right size, you've got it." And the rest is history.

Since Friday, Lehman went on to have roles in horror films such as ThanXgiving and is currently working on the movies Hell-phone, Terror Overload, and Black Friday, a film rife with genre favs. Lehman's real love is music, however. He currently has a punk metal band titled First Jason. Ari can still be seen at various horror conventions around the globe.

Friday the 13th Part 2 - Warrington Gillette/Steve Dash

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This one is the subject of much controversy. While Warrington Gillette is widely credited as having played Jason in Part 2, it was actually Steve Dash who played the role for the majority of the film. Gillette was originally hired for the part, but when the studio realized he didn't have what it took in terms of stunt work abilities, they brought on Steve Dash to take over. Gillette was brought in only for the brief unmasking scene at the end of the film and yet Dash was not credited for the role he played. He merely recieved a stuntman credit. This wrong was somewhat righted in Part 3 when Dash was given his rightful credit for the Part 2 flashback sequence in the beginning of the film.

Gillette has only had two film roles since Friday 2, Penny Dreadful and Time Walker. Dash appeared in 1982's Alone in the Dark and did the stuntwork for the film F/X. He has not appeared on screen in any shape or form since the late 80's. You can still catch Dash and Gillette battling it out for "the real part 2 Jason" rights at various conventions and interviews on the web.

Friday the 13th Part 3 - Richard Brooker

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The director of Part 3, Steve Miner, wanted a leaner and more athletic person to play Jason in this one. In came to play former trapeze artist Richard Brooker. Brooker, born in the UK, figured that playing a masked psycho killer would be the perfect way to break into Hollywood. Since the film, however, he only went on to star in two films and is currently working on Black Friday, along with first Jason Ari Lehman. Speaking of firsts, Brooker will go down in history as the first actor to don the hockey mask. Brooker may well be my favorite of the actors who have played Jason. I've hung out with a drunk Brook at conventions and tried to pick up women with him, so he will always have a special place in my heart. And let me tell you, playing Jason, even once, will get ya laid.

Friday The 13th Part 4 : The Final Chapter - Ted White

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If you take a look at the credits for this film, you will not see the name Ted White. This is because after the filming was completed, White decided he did not want his name on the film. He initally stated the role made him feel uneasy but later went on to say he didn't want to be a part of "a total piece of shit." He later said Part 4 was better made then the rest of the films in the series, a point on which many fans agree. He probably realized this is his one and only claim to fame and he better live it up. While he took the role solely for the money, White did get into the character. He did not speak to the actors on set as he felt it would diminish their fear of him when he appeared on screen. White is considered by many to be the best Jason, despite his negative talks about the role. While he has done a lot of acting work since, White is a stuntman at heart, having contributed to the films Gone in 60 Seconds, Wild Wild West, and Escape From New York.

-Friday the 13th Part 5 : A New Beginning - Tom Morga

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Jason was sadly not in this film, a departure franchises often unfortunately take. We thought we were watching Voorhees in action but at the end of the film we realized it was actually the lowely ambulance driver, Roy, in Jason costume. Richard Wieand played Roy.

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For the sequences where Roy was dressed as Jason, it was actually not Wieand, but Tom Morga. Wieand was famously not excited over playing the role of Roy/Jason and reportedly spent most of the time on set in his trailer alone. While he went on to not do much post Part 5, Tom Morga, who was very excited about playing "Jason" has gone on to do stuntwork for many major motion pictures including Independence Day, Spider Man, National Treasure, and the Pirates of the Carribean films.

Friday the 13th Part 6 : Jason Lives - Dan Bradley/C.J Graham

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Dan Bradley was originally hired to play Jason. In fact, they even began filming the movie with him in the role. The producers decided he was just not the right build for the character, so they brought in a nightclub manager, C.J Graham, to take over. The paintball scene which Bradley had already shot remains in the film, with all other scenes of Jason portayed by Graham. While Graham had no experience as a stunt man, he insisted on doing most of his own stunts, including being set on fire.

While Graham ousted Bradley, it is Bradley who has the last laugh. Dan Bradley has gone on to have considerable success as a stunt coordinator on films like Spiderman 3, The Bourne Ultimatum, and Donnie Darko as well as being second unit director on Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Spiderman 2 and 3, Superman Returns, and the upcoming James Bond flick Quantum of Solace. Graham, on the other hand, has not been seen in Hollywood in almost two decades.

Friday the 13th Part 7 : The New Blood/Part 8 : Jason Takes Manhattan/Jason Goes to Hell/Jason X - Kane Hodder

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Widely considered by most Friday fans as "the real Jason", Kane Hodder has played the character in four different films, more then any other actor. In fact, he's the only actor to tackle the role more then once. Hodder has appeared as an actor and/or stuntman in films like Texas Chainsaw 3, Seven, Spawn, The Devil's Rejects, and Hatchet. When all is said and done, no matter how many Friday films we see in the future, it is my belief that Kane Hodder will forever be known as Jason Voorhees to a plethora of admirers.

As a side note on Jason Takes Manhattan, a young Jason appeared briefly in the film and was played by Timothy Burr Mirkovich, who has since become a film editor, last working on Pineapple Express.

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Freddy vs Jason - Ken Kirzinger

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Many many fans were very very upset to learn that Kane Hodder had been replaced. Hodder was originally in talks to tackle the role once again, but director Ronny Yu wanted to go in a new direction. Interestingly enough, Kirzinger doubled for Hodder in a few scenes in Jason Takes Manhattan. While mostly doing tv work before and after FVJ, Kirzinger provided stunt work for the films X2, X Men : The Last Stand, The Fog, and the upcoming Joy Ride sequel, Dead Ahead.

Again, like Jason Takes Manhattan, a young Jason was very briefly featured, this time played by 13 year old Spencer Stump.

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Freddy vs Jason is thus far Stump's only credit.

Friday the 13th (Remake) - Derek Mears

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Derek Mears, who has done stunt work for Pirates of the Carribean and Indiana Jones : Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and who has appeared in horror films Cursed and the Hills Have Eyes 2, will be the next actor to tackle Voorhees. All of the actors who have played the role previously have done a pretty damn good job and there's no reason to believe that Mears won't follow suit. He's certaintly got the size and strength. And just look at that mug.

13 actors. One badass masked villain. Who is your favorite actor to play Jason Voorhees? Leave a comment and let me know!

Remakin The Oldies

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A whole nother slew of your favorite horror films are on the chopping block to be re-made and i've got all the scoop for ya.

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-An almost four minute long trailer for the It's Alive remake has hit the web. You may remember seeing a similar trailer a while back, which was immediately pulled from Youtube. The baby gone mad remake will star Hostel Part 2's Bijou Phillips.


Get your pause buttons handy. At the 2:01 mark you can spot some Bijou nipple! Not that seeing Bijou Phillips in various states of undress is anything new for anyone in this world, but it's pretty interesting that a nip slip made it into the trailer! I'm not sure the trailer needed to be this long as it pretty much gives away everything, but this one actually looks like its got some bite.

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-Writers Juliet Snowden and Stiles White have signed on to write the Poltergeist remake. They co-wrote the ghastly film Boogeyman a few years back and also wrote the Nic Cage film Knowing, which comes out early next year. From Speilberg to the folks who wrote Boogeyman...sigh...Never was a huge Poltergeist fan to begin with, and that's when it was in pretty good hands (Texas Chainsaw Massacre's Tobe Hooper directed).

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-Your favorite Good Guy doll is back and he's gonna be voiced by Brad Dourif once again! It looks as if Don Mancini, the writer of the original Child's Play, will be stepping behind the camera to direct the upcoming remake. Mancini told Aint It Cool News that he's throwing the horror/comedy aspect of the later Chucky films out the window and is opting for a straight horror film in the vein of the original. He went on to say that the film will once again deal with the origins of Chucky. I'm guessing no John Waters this time around?

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-An early synopsis for the Night of the Demons remake was provided to Bloody Disgusting this past weekend. The film stars Diora Baird(TCM: The Beginning), Shannon Elizabeth, and Monica Keena (Freddy vs Jason) and the plot is as follows :

Angela Feld is throwing the Halloween party to end all Halloween parties at the infamous Broussard Mansion in New Orleans, where dark events transpired almost a century ago. But when the packed party gets busted by the police, Angela and her friends Maddie, Lily, Suzanne, Colin, Dex and Jason are the only ones left behind. Soon Colin and Angela make a grisly discovery in the basement and inexplicable events start to take place. With the mansion gates mysteriously locked, the seven find themselves trapped for the night...and soon they're fighting ancient demons for their very souls.

What no Linnea Quigley!? Count me out!

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-Children of the Corn is apparently not worthy of a big screen remake, as Anchor Bay will be releeasing it straight to television. The film will hit the Sci-fi channel sometime next year and the first two names cast have been annouced. David Anders (Heroes) and Kandyse McClure (Battlestar Galactic) will topline the remake. if the sci-fi original pictures of the past are any indication, this ones set to top Rob Zombie's Halloween as the worst horror remake of all time. I kid, I kid.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

How Well Do You Know Your Unrated Dvd's?

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The biggest marketing ploy (read : scam) these days with dvd's, horror specifically, is the unrated/uncut stamp on the cover of the case. The promises of an unrated cut that was too violent to be shown in theaters are stamped on nearly every major horror film that has been released onto dvd in the past couple years. In fact, i'm pretty sure you're more likely to see an unrated stamp on your favorite horror dvd then you are to see a lower back stamp on your local high school slut. Talk about an epidemic. Ultimately, it's a huge scam to get you to purchase a movie you've already seen and really have no reason to buy, but damnit if it doesn't work. If there's even 10 seconds of footage added into the film, it will recieve the presitigious unrated proclamation. Many fans still dont seem to realize that unrated really means nothing and ultimately feel hosed each and every time they make the purchase/realization. But in any event, just how well do you know your unrated dvd cases? I've chosen 13 of the stamps from various horror films released in the last several years and I want you to try and figure out which films they come from. Check out the comments section for all the answers! Lets begin!

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Good Luck!