Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Top Achilles Tendon Maimings In Horror


There are a couple things in horror movies that are guaranteed to make the audience cringe, look away from the screen, and grasp on to the arm of their loved one. Fingernails being ripped off always seem to do it. Teeth being ripped out never fails. But the thing that most horror fans dread seeing is an innocent victims achilles tendon being severed by some type of sharp object. It's one of the more painful deaths that can be imagined and doesn't really happen all that often in the movies. But when it does, it's almost always memorable. Let's take a look at some of the best achilles tendon slices in history! This one is not for the faint of heart or pregnant but then again, what on this blog is?!

Pet Sematary

From all the way back in 1989 this is the first achilles tendon mauling I can remember laying my eyes on and the image of that little bully from Full House slicing Herman Munster's ankle with a scalpel will still never leave my mind. It was equally badass when he then went all Joker on him, but that's for another day.

Kill Bill Vol. 1

Not the bloodiest or most gruesome depiction of such an act, but definetly the most stylized and gratifying. Who didn't cheer when the pervy Buck got sliced and diced by Uma!? Shoulda worn some thicker socks, buddy!

Here's a little freeze frame for ya in case it went by too fast :



Interestingly enough, the same prop leg used in the above scene in Kill Bill was brought out from the vault by the guys in KNB for this scene in Hostel. Unfortunately, the dvd wont let me pull clips off of it and I can't seem to find the video anywhere on the internet, so pictures will have to do. My apologies as I really hate to not be able to have the video up, but I couldn't leave this one out. This one takes place almost entirely off screen but the sounds and screams make it as brutal as any. The money shot comes when we finally see the cut open up as the dude tries to stand.


Mother of Tears

This movie sucks, but like I said in my review (which you can check out to your right) it's chock full of a bunch of pretty cool gore scenes, this one of Udo Kier being hacked in the achilles with a butcher's knife being one of them.


Gotta commend this one for not taking the typical route of showing a quick cut but rather making it as slow and painful as possible. Although now that I re-watch it, that lingering coverage may take something away from the overall impact as it's not nearly as effective as it was in Hostel, where we really don't see anything. If Audition taught us anything, it's that what happens off screen can often times be more impactful as what is seen on screen. This one definetly must be commended though for giving us a little history lesson on the background of this torture device. For the non-French viewers, the old nazi dude is saying something about how in Africa, the owners of diamond mines do this to their workers to keep them from running away.

Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance

Rubbing a little salt water in the wounds! And you thought Jaws was the only thing keeping you out of the water! Must give it up to the Japanese for always being cutting edge and showing us stuff we've never seen before. This movie's awesome, go seek it out. And while you're at it, check out all of Chan Wook Park's films.

House of Wax

Say what ya want about House of Wax and say what ya want about Paris Hilton....this movie rocks. And this is just one of the many reasons why. It's dark and there's pants covering the leg, but that doesn't stop it from being brutal. Gotta love the giant pair of shears as I don't think i've seen them used for such an act before.

Although fairly unrelated, I feel I must note the rather interesting little bit of trivia that I love to educate people with ; While filming Troy, Brad Pitt, who played Achilles, tore his achilles tendon! Talk about irony! Well, I guess that wasn't so unrelated.

Hope I didn't miss any. Leave a comment and discuss your favorite achilles tendon maimings!

Monday, September 29, 2008

True Blood - Episode 4 - "Escape From Dragon House"


***Pick up True Blood The Complete First Season for only $24.99 on DVDand $44.99 on Blu-ray***

After Sookie finds co-worker Dawn dead, the victim of an apparent vampire attack, her brother Jason stumbles into the apartment with the intention to reconcile with Dawn, who he now sees is no longer. Due to their fight the night prior, Jason is arrested for her murder. Jason is innocent, but the townspeople don't seem to care. They just want a scapegoat. Sookie, at the begging of her grandma, decides to use her telepathic powers to find out what everyone really thinks of him and help keep her brother out of harm's way. And let's not mention the plot point that pretty much the whole episode revolves around ; while Jason is in the cop car, he downs the whole vile of V juice the gay black dude gave him in the last episode and contends with a serious case of priapism for the entire hour. That is, he can't get his dick to go down.


I'm not sure exactly why this show has taken the route of dick jokes as it all comes off incredibly silly. Jason literally develops blisters on his hands from attempting to quell his problem and yes, we are treated to more than a couple scenes of him jackin off. It's only episode 4 and we've already stooped to this, eh? I was expecting them to pull a Boogie Nights towards the end and just show the whole enchilada but thankfully they spared us such ridiculousness. Hey, at least this episode wasn't laden with sex though. Not that solo male ejaculation is any better...


The whole episode pretty much centers around this erection problem and the budding relationship between Jason and Tara and it's almost starting to feel like their the stars of the show. We get a little insight into Tara's childhood and why she's been so into Jason all these years and why she does the pretty ballsy and highly illegal thing she does for him in this one.


The stuff between Sookie and Bill is, as usual, the best stuff in the episode. I just wish they spent more time on them and less time on the other characters. Their not date to the vampire bar Fangtasia is the highlight here. By the way, in case you're thinking all the little vamp plays on words are getting a little lame, the writers of the show are well aware of it. Bill says something about how vampires are so old fashioned that plays on words are the top form of humor to them. Cool little jab at the show itself, I thought. We meet lead vampire Eric who looks like he'll be an interesting addition to the show. He certaintly beats those lame vamps we saw in episode 3. They thankfully seem to have all but disappeared.


We also get a taste of Bill's vampire powers of hypnosis, which takes place in a very cool scene towards the end. Bill is admittedly a pretty kickass character and this scene is one of the best of the entire series thus far.


Also, the questions about who Sam really is continue to be asked and hinted at. I won't give anything away other than saying that. He still seems like an expendable character, but they definetly have something big up their sleeve with him. They seem to have something big up their sleeve with this entire series, in fact. It's like we're constantly being teased about stuff but haven't gotten any real payoffs yet. I expect they will be coming soon...

I was glad to see they went in a little bit of a different direction with this episode. It certaintly was more enjoyable for me than last weeks, even if it was very silly and flawed. Still kind of on the fence about this show, but i'll definetly be back for another dose of the V-juice next week.

Episode 5, titled Sparks Fly Out, airs next Sunday on HBO.

Horror In Your House - Tuesday, September 30th

Before I get into the horror dvd's being released this week, i'd like to say congratulations to William Howard for winning the Halloween Horror Nights Short Film Competition with his short The Prank! It was my personal pick to win and i'm glad it did! Check it out :

Ah, October is finally right around the corner. With it we can expect a plethora of great horror dvd releases, but don't count September out just yet! There's a few good ones this week, mostly for the Blu-ray fanatics.

From now on i'm just gonna be posting the important and cool sounding releases, or at least the one's that are important and cool sounding to me. I don't have the time to list 50 plus releases of b-movies every week. If ya wanna see every horror release for this week, go to Amazon.


Land of the Dead (2005)


Dawn of the Dead (2004)


The Thing (1982)


This is the kind of movie i'd like to see in Blu-ray. I've heard it looks pretty spectacular.

Land, Dawn, and The Thing will also be released in a "Halloween Starter Pack" together :


The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)


The Sixth Sense (1999)



Pulse 2 : Afterlife (2008)


This terrifying sequel that picks up where the original Pulse left off. The dead have found a way back to our world - through cell phones and WiFi - and the human survivors have taken to remote areas to escape. When a young girl goes missing, her father must return to the city to battle her mother's vengeful ghost, along with a host of other horrifying ghouls.

I've got no interest in this one, but I had to throw it on here. Pulse (remake) was a complete dud on all levels and I don't expect this one to be any better.

Rest Stop : Don't Look Back (2008)


One year after the disappearance of Jesse and Nicole, Jesse's brother Tom and two friends are on the trail. Although the police were unable to do anything, these three quickly stumble on the same path from a year before... encountering the religious family, the driver... and more. Will they meet the same fate?

Caught Rest Stop on tv a few years back and thought it blew, but I wasn't really paying too much attention. Will probably be checking both of these out soon and putting some reviews up.

A Haunting in Connecticut (2002)


The day Karen and Ed Parker move into their dream home, ominous clues of its chilling funeral parlor past greet them: crucifixes on doors, toe tags and coffin keys in the basement. Their 14-year-old son, Paul, claims he sees apparitions and hears voices. Soon, the house is plagued by dark forces that torment the entire family, and it will take a desperate call to Edward and Lorraine Warren--investigators of the Amityville haunting--to offer any hope of relief.

A Haunting in Georgia (2002)


Based on true events, A Haunting in Georgia is the chilling story of four-year-old Heidi and her imaginary friends Mr. Gordy and Con. As Heidi reveals mysterious details about the two, her parents become concerned...could her playmates be more than make-believe? When the rest of the family begins experiencing terrifying phenomena--waking with deep gashes on their bodies--it seems there's little they can do to stop the escalating nightmare.

This show's awesome and actually manages to scare the hell outta me. I remember Connecticut being particularly good.

The Blood Spattered Bride (1972)


A beautiful young bride marries into a family with a dark secret and quickly becomes haunted by dreams of a mysterious woman. When her visions become flesh, the newlywed finds herself drawn into a nightmare of unholy communion, violent murder and forbidden sexual desires.

If Tarantino named a chapter in Kill Bill after this movie, it's gotta be somewhat good, right!? Been meaning to see this one for quite some time and I may just have to pick it up this week.

Pink Eye (2008)


Pink Eye is set at a prison-like, dilapidated insane asylum where secret drug testing has gone horribly wrong. Patients are dying in sick and twisted ways, and those who survive are becoming raging homicidal lunatics. It's only a matter of time before all hell breaks loose and inmates crave the freedom to take their vengeance on the world outside. When one patient escapes--deformed, angry, and far beyond insane--he brings death and terror to an unsuspecting town and everyone in it.

A killer bout of pink eye? Count me in!

Necroville (2007)


Fired from their jobs as video store clerks, two Slackers must wage war on the living dead just to earn a living wage in a town overrun by Zombies, Vampires and Werewolves. Described by the Albuquerque press as if Kevin Smith wrote Ghostbusters , NECROVILLE follows long time friends Jack and Alex as they become members of the local extermination company, Zom-B-Gone, only to discover that even ravenous hordes of the undead pale in comparison to the horrors of Jack s nightmare girlfriend.

This one's either gonna be real funny or real obnoxious. Either way, I think it'll make fine drinking cinema.

On a horror dvd related note, I was in Wal-Mart earlier today and they had a bunch of classics for only $4.99. Titles like the original Dawn and Day of the Dead, Re-Animator, Children of the Corn, and the original Hills Have Eyes were all thrown in there. So check out your local Wal-Mart for those. Re-Animator had some pretty cool cover art that i've never seen before and I was tempted to pick it up even though I have two other versions of it.

Will be back in a bit with True Blood episode 4 thoughts.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

FrightFest Promo Episode 4...And More!

The fourth installment of Joe Lynch (Wrong Turn 2) and Adam Green's (Hatchet) road to FrightFest shenanigans, titled Best Directors , has hit the net and it features John Landis! Enjoy.

For the previous three videos, check out Adam Green's Ariescope Pictures.

By the way, if you haven't seen Wrong Turn 2 and were thinking it must be even worse then the first one, you'd be wrong. Lynch (a fellow Long Islander!) did an awesome job on it and it's actually a pretty kickass little movie and I don't only say that because he's probably on the same island as me right now. Come on, Henry Rollins in a gory winner takes all battle with a bunch of inbred rednecks...what's not to love!

The fifth and final FrightFest promo will be available next Monday.

My uncle's wedding that I went to Saturday that I mentioned a couple posts back was actually a pretty good time. Open bar and free food, you really can't complain. It's still amazing to me to see the transformations of personality that take place after a couple of drinks. Boring family members may not be so boring when they're plied up with a little booze!

Went pumpkin picking today and got a pretty large 30 pound monster. Carved him up a few hours ago...well, I pretty much gutted him and played around with his insides while my girlfriend utilized her artistic prowess to cut him a face. Here she is proudly displaying (and attacking) her handy work :


This thing was 20 bucks and i'll be damned if I didn't try to make the most of that 20 bucks as possible.

First off, don't throw away those seeds! Wash all those pumpkin embriotic fluids off of them and bake 'em up in the oven. They're pretty tasty. Actually, they kinda suck but i'm trying to convince myself of the opposite. It's hard to admit defeat.


And second, don't throw those guts away! Cover them with fake (or real if you prefer) blood and use them as gore in that horror movie you and you friends have been talking about making for 10 years now and probably at this point never will cause let's face it you're just too old and too committed to life's monotonies and responsibilites by now!


Mmmm. Here's what I made of all that mess :

Dig a small hole to fit your leg and bury it up to the point you want it severed and then toss around the blood and guts! Doesn't get much simpler then that!

A beautiful advertisement for Craftsman if ya ask me. Got a bit of an inadvertant compliment from MySpace on these pictures ; apparently they were deemed too brutal and offensive and were taken down! That makes me proud.


I'll be rubbing this fake blood off of me for the next several weeks. Why would they make this stuff so goddamn stainy?

Now get out there and make that horror movie you've always wanted to make! You don't need to be Tom Savini to come up with some pretty cool (and cheap) gore effects. Just use that sick little imagination you've got up there somewhere. Then send me a free copy of your movie so I can commend your hard work and spread the word. Or bash it if it really sucks.

Will be watching this weeks True Blood tommorow. Hopefully it's better THAN (thank you anonymous commenter) the last one.

I guess that's all. Goodnight

Friday, September 26, 2008

YouTube's Saw Video Contest

Alright, when I said I wouldn't be posting for the next couple days I guess I kinda sorta lied. I woke up from my deep slumber around 9 this morning at the insistance of my bladder and of course had to pop on the internet before I went back to sleep to see what i'd missed during my hibernation. For whatever reason I ended up on YouTube and couldn't help but take note of the little contest the makers of Saw V have up on there. The contest is fairly simple ; take clips from Saws 1-4, mash 'em up, and create a cool little tribute video to all your favorite moments. I'll let Jigsaw explain...

Now I really wanted to get back to sleep but Jigsaw (even though not Tobin Bell) was beckoning me to do some homework so I just had to. Sleep could wait. It's now almost 2:30 pm and i've finally finished my little mash up video. Check it out and let me know what ya think :


Nothing too special, a little choppy in a couple parts (blame it on the poor editing software I have), but i'm not spending any more time on this. I just wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I didn't at least make some kind of effort. Don't really have much experience editing videos. In fact the only experience I have was replacing Freebird with Hey There Delilah at the end of Devil's Rejects in THIS VIDEO, which garnered me more then a couple death threats. Comments like "you deserve to be pissed on" and "I hope you get raped by a pack of wild gorillas" abound. Precisely the response I wanted from such a terrible blasphemous video but no one seemed to realize it was purely made to piss 'em off. Anyway, you may have noticed the absence of Saw 2 in the mash up. It's not cause I don't like it, the dvd just wouldn't let me rip video off of it. The man's always gotta hold me down.

No word on what the prizes if any will be for the winner of this contest. Jigsaw simply states that you can in fact "win". So get on Saw 5's YouTube channel and vote for me! Or better yet, make your own video and vote for yourself. And if ya do make one, post the link in a comment to this post so I can check it out.

And go see Saw V October 24th!

Ok, now I really won't be back for a couple days. I promise.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Halloween Decorations, Gore Porn, And Alcohol - My Night In Blog Form

So i've had what some would call a pretty eventful evening. Early on in the night I started decorating outside. (By the way, in case you missed my indoor decorations, check 'em out!) Didn't do all that much but I got a couple things accomplished and am hoping to do a lot more in the near future. Note how everything's far away from the grimy hands of would be thieves. I don't think anyone will be monkeying up my tree to steal a 4 dollar plastic skeleton prop. Least I hope not, that'd be a little sad. Here's a few pictures I took of what i've done so far :

Got the traditional orange lights up and put some 'caution' tape on the porch so the trick or treaters will feel like they've come to a house they wont regret coming to...or is it will regret coming to? That fuckin dude from The Strangers fucked up my shot. Motherfucker.

Hung this half skeleton guy from the tree. I had to scale a large ladder up an even larger tree to accomplish this one. Almost pulled a Clark W. Griswold. If you get the reference, you are eternally my best friend. By the way, they really need to make a National Lampoon's Halloween Vacation and Chevy Chase better start being funny again in it.

Ok, so that's really all I did for now, but I feel pretty accomplished. It's the most effort i've exerted in a good long while. Mine is just about the only house in the neighborhood that has any kind of Halloween decorations out so i'm very proud of myself at the moment. And I feel I much deserved the pleasures which came to me once the sun set...

Thursday nights have started to become drunken movie night with me and my group of derelict friends and tonight we watched a little 70's gem called "Hard Gore". We discovered that it was pretty much a hardcore porn film with minute amounts of gore spliced in every so often. Things like throats being sliced and dicks being cut off. In so many words the 'movie' is about a nymphomaniac (that's sex addict) who goes to some kind of hospital for treatment. While there, she has a lot of lesbian sex then gets raped and finds out the hospital houses a satanic cult who happen to be quite keen on orgys, necrophilia, and pillow fucking among other reprehensible acts. I will say, i've gotta give it to this movie for introducing me to my first ever doggy style guillotine scene. Use your imagination. Suffice to say, if I ever find myself at the doors of Elite Hunting, I know how i'm gonna dispatch my innocent victim. I was also introduced to my first ever 'rocket dick' scene. No need for imagination, I took a screen grab :


Quite an experience, I must say. Gotta love 70's hairy bush goreno. I'm pretty sure the 'gore' parts of the film were purely thrown in there to allow a bunch of dudes to sit around and watch porn together without feeling too guilty/gay about it. And I guess it worked. But I do feel like I might need an acid shower right now.

To boot, this was all seen on the big screen. I rigged up a pretty nice projector in my garage during the summer and it's provided us all many a good night. And now for the virtual tour :


That little thing proudly displayed on the wall to the right is my Shining inspired art piece :


The garage is also fitted with it's own bar, chock full of hundreds of different beer and liquor bottles (granted all empty), ruled over by King Voorhees :


And I feel I must mention the Bruce Campbell beer bottle opener which I fashioned :

If only I can get it to spew witty Evil Deadian catch phrases each time it pulls a cap off....and yes, it works like a charm.

Here's a picture of the projector in action during a screening of Fulci's The Beyond :

What more could a man ask for?

I realize this post is very picture heavy but i'm really too drunk to type too much and if I did it really wouldn't make all that much sense and besides, I think you'd rather look at pictures anyway.

On a complete side note, speaking of pictures, I found this picture of the French Saw V poster, which is pretty badass. Aren't foreign horror posters always?


If it sounds like i'm in a rush here, I kind of am. A rush to lay my weary head to rest and pass out on the glorious unmade bed to my left. I probably wont be posting the next couple days considering i'm going to a wedding Saturday and, well, I really never post much on the weekends anyway. So have a good one everyone and i'll see ya soon!

Diary Of The Dead 2 Is No More!

Yes, I know, this painting rocks. Credit to Cameron Bennett

This is some incredibly exciting news. It had previously been reported that George Romero was currently hard at work on a sequel to last year's piece of crap Diary of the Dead, but Bloody Disgusting just got the scoop that this is not the case! Romero's next will be another zombie film but it will have nothing to do with Diary, save for the fact that Alan Vang Sprang (Land/Diary) has again been cast. Hurrah! He's currently working on the film in Toronto and no word has been released yet on what specifically it will be about.

Thank you, George. Thank you for listening to our prayers and sparing us another Diary of the Dead. Maybe I spoke to soon when I said his career had hit the skids. There's still hope yet. But am I the only one who would like to see Romero tackle a non zombie picture? I know that's his forte and all and it's what he does best, but I think it's time for something totally new. And I don't mean Bruiser 2. Monkey Shines remains one of my favorite movies of his and there wasn't a zombie in sight. Although that crazed monkey could be comparable to one.

Another classic non zombie Romero film was The Crazies, which is currently being remade by Breck Eisner (Sahara). Should be cool to see as that film is one that probably could benefit from a big budget remake. But the guy who did Sahara? Really? A bit dissapointing.

REC - The Game!


This is actually a Quarantine game, but I don't support remakes of films that were made a year ago, so we'll call it REC the game.

Thought this was a pretty cool little game where ya basically gotta try and escape from the quarantined apartment building seen in REC that's been overrun by zombies. Don't worry, you're given a gun and you get to blast some zombie brains out! CAN YOU ESCAPE!?

Quarantine, the remake of the awesome Spanish film REC, hits theatres October 10th and if I do shell out the ten bucks to see it, it will be purely to see how similar it is to the original. That and there's really no other horror coming to theatrers this Halloween season besides Saw V. I do kinda like that Jennifer Carpenter (Exorcism of Emily Rose) though. Hostel's Jay Hernandez also stars, by the way...if that's any help.

Judging by the trailers, this looks to be an almost scene by scene remake. We saw how well that worked out for Psycho, didn't we? Now i've stated my case on remakes a few times before ; I don't mind em and sometimes I even like them better then the originals. But are we really gonna start to remake movies that only came out one goddamn year ago!? Apparently American audiences just can't handle reading subtitles so we need to take good foreign films and translate them to English and profit off of it. Give me a break...

Just watch REC and save your money (if ya need a copy, let me know). Like I said, I may check it out purely to say I saw it and post my thoughts on here. I have a little problem where I need to check out all the latest horror crap even if I know it's gonna suck a big one. Now if you'll excuse me, i've got some pixelated zombies to destroy.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Free Rob Zombie Autographs!

I like to post any little cool deals or interesting horror related goodies I find, so how bout a free Rob Zombie autograph? Well, it's not exactly free, but what in this world is?

I'm sure you're aware that Zombie's wife, Sheri Moon, has her own clothing line called Total Skull. I just got an email informing me of a promotion running on her site now through Halloween where, if you pick up this hoodie, which was featured in the Halloween remake...


...you will recieve a free Zombie autographed Halloween sticker along with it :


I assume the autograph is a real one, rather then merely a reprint, but it's not really stated on the site. The hoodie is by the way, $65.

The hoodie was sported by Scout Taylor Compton in Zombie's remake last year. Check it :


Support Sheri's clothing line! If you're a dude, buy it for your girlfriend or mistress! If you're a gal, give yourself a little Halloween treat! If Laurie Strode rocked it, it must be pretty badass! And check out all of Sheri's awesome clothes at her website Total Skull!

Sticking Up For The Strangers


I've heard countless people bash The Strangers over the past couple months and I have had just about enough of the shenanigans! I'm here to defend it! Yes, doll face, pin up girl, and dude in pillow case, i'm sticking up for you! While I wouldn't say I loved the film in such an unhealthy fashion as to raise eyebrows from my colleagues, nor do I have colleagues, I will say I quite enjoyed it ; enough to spread the good word on it. With the dvd hitting shelves October 21st I figured, in lieu of writing up a boring long winded review which i've been so known to do, i'd try and (in an equally boring and long winded fashion) give you good enough reason to go out and buy it and check it out for yourself. Or rent it. Or steal it. Or illegally download it on a torrent website, which I do not condone but if I ran a torrent website i'd call it Jack Torrents. Ya know, like from The Shining. Not that i've ever contemplated running such a site, it just popped into my head. And if you get caught for either stealing or downloading, don't say I told ya to. And write me in prison.

By the way, I will freely admit that this is one of those posts where the title came to me in a prophetic vision and now I have to write a whole lot to cover it's ass. But I think i'm up for the task!

The premise, if you're not yet aware of it, is pretty simple. Kristen McKay (Steven Tylers not fat daughter Liv) and James Hoyt (Scott Speedman), a couple who have awkwardly just ended their almost engagement, return from a wedding reception to the now even more awkwardly dressed for love vacation house where they, according to James' plans, were gonna be celebrating said almost engagement. In the middle of the awkward night, a 'stranger' knocks at their door, demanding to know if Tamara, an unknown woman, is home. From then on, three strangers in masks begin to torment the doomed couple, eventually entering their home hell bent on not only killing the two but scaring the shit out of them, and us, in the process.


Now don't get me wrong, I agree with many of the points many of you have been making as to why the movie sucks, I just don't agree that they in fact make the movie suck. If that makes any sense. It's highly unoriginal, the character's actions are continually stupid (James keeps leaving Kristen's side even though she's obviously in grave danger/arming themselves with a shotgun and then never really doing anything useful with it), and, well, that's really all the bad I can say about it. Come on, doesn't every horror movie suffer from a bit of unoriginality and stupid characters? Get off it's case!

On to the good. The Strangers is freakin creepy! And i'm not afraid to admit it. I was creeped out! I watched it alone in a dark and empty theater and yes, my head darted back behind several times to make sure no one in a weird mask was peering at me. My neck still hurts. There's many scenes where the strangers are walking around or staring in the background as Liv Tyler is doing normal chores around the house that are pretty frightening.


These masked baddies (two girls and a guy..female serial killers...bout time!) have literally no motive, no rhyme or reason for what they are doing which is what makes the movie so cool and chilling, to me at least. Kristen and James didn't wrong them in any way and there's nothing they can to do to stop what's coming to them. They're simply gonna be killed because, as one character says, 'you were home'. Writer/director Bryan Bertino obviously drew inspiration from the Tate/LaBianca Manson murders of the late 60's so, while it is not actually 'based on true events' like it proclaims at the beginning, it certaintly has some rooting in the truth and could very well happen to any one of us. After doing some research I found that the film is also partially inspired by an event from Bertino's past. A stranger came to his home one night asking for someone who didn't live there and then vanished. He later found out that the empty homes in the neighborhood were broken into that night. Spoooooky.

The film opens with an obvious homage to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre ; a John Laroquette wanna-be narrating and telling us about the brutal murders which we are about to see take place. Much like Chainsaw, this effectively serves as a guarantee that you're gonna see the main characters slaughtered by minute 90. Can't beat that! Sure the narration is unoriginal as is proclaiming a film to be based on true events when it's really not, but Bertino obviously knows what horror fans like and this opening let me know I was in store for something pretty cool, a sort of throwback to classic horror.


Supense is this movies fuckin middle name. I was literally on my edge of the seat the entire time. Ok, I really wasn't it just sounded cool. When are you ever really on the edge of your seat, anyway? What does that even mean? It sounds dangerous. There's one particular scene where a line from a song, which i'm not cultured enough to know the name of, repeats several dozen times on the broken record player while Tyler runs and hides from the masked marauders that is totally awesome. And how cool is this! The first murder that takes place in the movie isn't even at the hand of the killers! God damn it's hard to not give anything away and still have things to type here.

We all hate jump scares, right? Sure, The Strangers is full of them, but they're not used as a substitute for real scares, cause we get some of those too. So it's all good. I forgive you, jump scares.

The killers are badass, which is the first thing any good horror movie needs. We never see their real faces and they seldom speak, which only helps make them scarier and cooler. There's a reason Myers, Voorhees, and Leatherface were granted no voice boxes. Speaking of Jason, the main dude, called simply 'Man in the Mask', is an obvious homage to Voorhee's look in Friday part 2 (and the killer in Town That Dreaded Sundown) and his two female pals (the previously mentioned Pin-up Girl and Doll Face) are decked out in equally cool masks...and they use axes. Check and check.


The ending is pretty awesome, but a lot of people really didn't seem too keen on it. In fact, when I first watched it I kinda didn't like it either, but i've come to appreciate it. I'm not giving anything away by saying Speedman and Tyler end up on the wrong side of the knife and are dead by film's end because they proclaim that fact right in the opening. After an hour and halfs torment from the strangers, you wonder how the death scenes can top all that we've seen and...they really don't...but they don't have to. They're done in a sort of Bill's death in Kill Bill vol. 2 way, and the casualness and quickness of it all ends up being creepier and more effective then anything.


The ending also leaves sequel room, a sequel which is already in the works and i'm all for it! 'It'll be easier this time'! Can't wait to check it out although I don't see it being nearly as good as this one.

Ya, it's unoriginal. No, it's not the best horror movie ever made. But as far as new horror goes, it's pretty fuckin good and it's an awesome throwback to old school horror. Ya know, the days before torture porn took over (not bashing, I love me some Goreno). When it comes out on dvd October 21st, you sure as shit should at least give it a rent. Watch it on Halloween night with some pals, you won't be dissapointed. And if you are, be easy on me.

I hope I haven't given too much away and I hope i've more then convinced you to stop listening to your asshole friends and check the movie out. Now you may write me my check, Rogue Pictures.

Go answer your door, I think I hear someone knocking....