Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The Last Resort - Your Passport To Viewing Hell

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I wasn't gonna bother with even writing up a review of any kind for this flick but I feel I must. This will probably be the shortest review i've ever written, but it's my duty as a horror blogger to shelter you guys from some of the crap i'm forced to sit through and so, i'm gonna shelter you. It's not that i'd ever expect you to rent or buy this movie when it comes out on DVD August 11th but just in case the sexy bikini clad woman on the cover (who by the way looks like she just pinched a loaf in her diaper) tempts you in even the slightest way to do so, I must urge you to resist the temptation. There are no women in bikinis in this movie about women on a vacation at a tropical island (go figure), there is no nudity aside from a brief boob shot from perhaps the most unattractive girl of the group (go figure), and you don't even get the satisfaction of actually seeing any of these annoying chicks get killed (go fuckin figure!). And believe me when I tell you that they're the most annoying group of girls ever committed to celluloid. If ever I wanted to see a cast of characters get slaughtered brutally, it was in this movie. Not only did I not get that but I did not get to even see one person in the entire movie actually get killed on screen. Some horror movie, eh?

I should've known what I was in store for when I read this little blurb on the back cover :

"This vacation might have been the time of their lives, but The Last Resort will most likely be the time of their death."

Nuff said.

I hate you, Last Resort, but I do take some comfort in the fact that you only tortured me for 75 minutes of my life. So thank you for that.

10 comments:

JeffScape said...

Better you than me! HAH!

Zacery Nova said...

The DVD cover was SO GOOD, but the trailer was SO BAD.

Therefore, the movie's bad. Dammit!

Bjornabo said...

In my opinion Almost every horror movie with a half naked chick on the cover tend to be crap. So no big suprise that Last Resort is under that category.

Cory said...

Thank god for this review, because the cover had sold me on it. Being removed from want list as we speak! ^_^

Johnny said...

Cory, it's a comment like that that makes me glad I decided to post this review! =)

OMGSeriously said...

They made her look like she got extra junk back there lol....I probably wasn't going to watch this movie anyways. lol

Sexy Lingerie Nights said...

Thanks for the review, you saved me :)

Nik Holmes said...

You should also post that poster under copycats, as it looks ALOT like the poster for Three (Survival Island in the US?).


http://www.impawards.com/2006/posters/three.jpg

Of course little miss cack-pants has nothing on the astounding Ms Brook...

Jay Amabile said...

It's pretty sad that America Olivio has top billing on this dvd. You know they're just trying to market this one to horny teen male horror fans who associate her name with BOOBIES as in F1309. I think I've weathered so many terrible horror movies that I've smartened up and I don't think I will fall for these shitty horror movies that get released and try to entice guys with a girl in a bikini on the cover.

Johnny said...

It's even sadder that America Olivo went from Friday The 13th to THIS!