Monday, September 7, 2009

Halloween 2 - And I Thought The First One Was Bad...

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Wow. After House of 1000 Corpses and Devil's Rejects, I never thought i'd be saying this about a Rob Zombie film - but I could not fucking wait till this movie was over. To call it a steaming pile of shit would be an understatement. Halloween 2 is an all over the place laughable mess of a movie that managed to make me not enjoy on any level seeing Michael Myers back up on the big screen. It must've taken serious effort on Rob Zombie's part to fuck up this movie so badly....

Being that i'm over a week late in seeing and reviewing this and being that all the negative things that need to be said about it have already been said by my fellow bloggers (perhaps most well stated by B-Sol over at The Vault of Horror) and being that I really don't have too much to say about the movie other than that it was a awful piece of garbage, i'm gonna keep this short. I'm not even gonna waste my time bashing or analyzing the movie - in fact, I can barely even remember what I saw and I just saw it last night. It's not even that there's things about it that I don't like that I can pinpoint and can say it would've been better if those things weren't in it - the whole thing just blew big time from the very start to the very finish and everything in between. Aside from the look of Michael Myers, which Zombie pulled off well in both films in my opinion, I can not think of a single redeeming quality in the entire movie. It just plain sucks and that's really all there is to it. The only thing the movie would have had going for it - Michael Myers brutally killing people - was taken away due to the shaky cam and dark lighting, which left all the killing scenes barely visible. Due to this and the total clusterfuck of nonsensical events in the film, i'm barely even sure of what I spent those 2 hours last night watching.

There are a few things in particular that I hated about the movie that i'd like to mention and then i'll be on my merry way. (1) Sheri Moon Zombie. Now I love her, don't get me wrong, but I just can't help but feel Rob crowbarred her into this movie when she really shouldn't have been there. She was killed off in the first film and when Zombie realized he was gonna take another stab at Halloween, he just had to bring her back - as a ghostly vision no less. Come on, that's just desperate. The whole storyline of the visions was utterly ridiculous and some of the most unintentionally funny garbage i've ever seen. As if Zombie didn't already totally take the piss out of Michael Myers in his first at bat. (2) Young Michael Myers - it's a totally different kid! I'm well aware of the fact that the original young Mike, Daeg Faerch, was recast because he has apparently grown too tall over the last couple years but can somebody explain to me how Zombie felt a totally different kid would be easier for the audience to accept than the same kid just a couple inches taller? Could he really not have worked around Daeg's added inches and just filmed him in such a way that you'd never even notice? For me, young Michael being a completely different kid who didn't even act the same as Daeg did totally took me out of the movie right off the bat. (3) Laurie Strode has become a whiny goth bitch with 666 written on her bathroom door and a Charles Manson poster hanging above her bed. What impact can this story possibly have when you don't like or care for the main character in any way? Speaking of which, Loomis has also become a totally unlikable character who really serves no purpose in the story whatsoever. Donald Pleasance must be spinning in his grave right now. But these are really all minor complaints in comparison to how badly the movie sucks as a whole - so badly that I can barely even comprehend or comment on it so i'll just quit while i'm ahead.

If anything good can be said about this movie it's that it makes Zombie's first Halloween look like a masterpiece. I thought I hated that movie, but now I think I love it by comparison. Same goes for all the non-Zombie Halloween sequels of the past - Busta Rhymes fighting off Michael Myers looks like gold right about now. How did you go from Devil's Rejects - one of the best films in the last 10 years - to this, Rob? My advice is to drop The Blob and go back to making your own white trash flicks, and I say that in the nicest way possible. That's where Zombie excels and that's where he should stay. I still love and support the guy, I just hope he didn't expend all of his talents on his first two films and I do still have faith that if he sticks to making his own brand of movies, totally from his own mind, he's still got a few more kickass horror films in his future. Or am I just being too optimistic?

12 comments:

Wings said...

I'd have to say you are being too optomistic. Your review just fits in with all the rest I have seen. Damn, I hope Zombie goes away and takes his "revisionist Halloween story" with him.

BAH!

EyeloveMetal said...

Not even booze and weed could save this garbage film.. Some of his artistic work is great, but he has proven himself to not be very versatile.. hes a bit of a one trick pony, in music and apparently in movies as well.. I don't think i'll be spending any money to see his next movie, thats for sure.. Still like the guy though..

kaiyn said...

I may be in the minority, but I actually liked it. I didn't love it, but I did like it. It does also fall into the "I've seen better, but I've seen worse" category.

Emily said...

I'm still holding out hope that the director's cut will do a little redeeming, but I also agree that this was just a big mess. It's like he had no actual vision for the film. No matter what your thoughts may be on the first film, I do think he had some affection and brought something new to a tired franchise. I'm actually very curious if the extended version (I haven't heard anything about it, i'm just assuming a lot was cut based on the dreadful result) delves more into Laurie's psychosis. I have a theory about her, which may be overreaching, but who knows? I went into a little more detail on my own review, but I don't want to throw out spoilers here so I'll stop. Truthfully, I'm probably just trying to grasp at anything to make this film less painful.

Jeff Allard said...

"The whole thing just blew big time from the very start to the very finish and everything in between."

Yep, that about sums it up. Well said.

Johnny said...

Think we can get that quote slapped onto the DVD cover? ;)

Brad said...

A review in my local paper I read said, "Rob Zombie is the greatest horror director to never make a great horror movie."

That sums up my feelings on him.

B-Movie Becky said...

I just don't think Rob Zombie is cut out for classic horror. I think 70's exploitation flicks are what he should stick to because he seems to have that down. Otherwise, he's just trying to Zombify everyone in his movies regardless of how it impacts the story and regardless of whether or not it makes sense.

Johnny said...

In total agreement, Becky.

Carl (ILHM) said...

The subject of this post will have to suffice for now, still havent seen it but I think I got the general impression lol.. I shall return..

The Captain said...

I can't ever remember wanting to see a movie for so long and then in the first ten minutes admitting to myself that it completely sucked, only to have my wife confirm it by her saying "is it just me or is this movie that bad?"

WTF was with Mikey making all kinds of noises while he was killing? It's his silence that helps make him scary. He was grunting, panting, and I even think at one point he was purring or something.

I get making the killings seem more brutal, I get it having a Rob Zombie look to it, I get it being modernized, but what I don't get is making all the character unlikable and shallow, making it impossible to tell what year or decade its supposed to be (soundtrack didn't match the cars or the cell phones), and having zero story to hold it all together.

The only things I did like about the whole mess was the Halloween party scenes (I'm obsessed with the holiday) and Sheriff Lee Brackett and Annie Brackett (there is just something about Danielle Harris) they were the only characters that I gave a shit about.

WTF was the guy from WKRP in Cincinnati babbling about? I wasn't going to post a review about it because I didn't really have anything to say, but I guees I did!

Michael W. said...

Honestly why doesn't anyone here understand rob zombie at all!?
Makes me wonder what you class as your ideal horror flick. I dread to think!!
You don't appreciate him then cease and desist! Go watch Scream or something!