Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Top 10 Sexiest Zombies!

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It's been a while since i've done a 'top list' of any kind and as I sat here gazing at the nipple tassel'd zombie chasing a businessman around a parking lot while watching the Zombieland trailer in anticipation for this Friday's release (cheap plug), the thought occured to me that we've seen some pretty sexy zombie babes in horror flicks over the years - so I started compiling a mental list in my head....

Here are, in my opinion, the top 10 sexiest zombies of all time. They may be undead, but I wouldn't kick 'em outta bed! That being said, i'm not sure i'd let 'em give me head....

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10. Naked Zombie Walking Towards House - Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Although ya don't see much of her, and although her ass isn't even anything great, she is (as far as I know) the first nude zombie to appear on screen and for that alone she must be immortalized.

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9. #9 - Land of the Dead

How fitting, eh? I don't even like baseball and a large portion of her face is missing, but I still have a crush on sweet little #9 and that's quite a testament to her sexiness. It doesn't hurt that the woman behind the make-up, Jennifer Baxter, is supermodel beautiful.

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8. Emily - The Corpse Bride

So she's a stop motion action figure, big deal. If I was Victor, i'd have kicked Victoria to the curb and kept my ass in the underworld with this blue haired worm infested goddess and my dead dog.

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7. Julie - Return of the Living Dead 3

Not many women can pull off the shards of glass sticking out of their body look - it's really something to be admired. Also gotta respect a woman who can carry on with her boob hanging out like it's no big deal. Then again, I have absolutely zero respect for Tara Reid so maybe that's only an attractive trait when the female in question is a glass infested zombie.

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6. Sheri Moon Zombie

Ok, that was cheap, but I needed to fill a spot. There aren't exactly a surplus of hot dead chicks to choose from. Cut me some slack, will ya!

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5. Tammy - Fido

She's been house trained, and this ups her several points on the sexy scale - she won't bite off more than she can....well, ya know!

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4. Lillith - Zombie Strippers

The next best thing to Jenna Jameson in one of the greatest films of all time, it seems almost poetic that a girl with such a fascination for death becomes a member of the walking dead. Poetic and sexy as hell.

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3. Lesbian Ghost Chicks - Return to House on Haunted Hill

They're lesbian ghost chicks, what more do I need to say? I'm not sure if they'd technically be seen as zombies, but is anyone gonna argue the inclusion of these fine rotting specimens on this list?

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2. Trash - Return of the Living Dead

Like ya didn't see this one coming. Ms. Quigley had been the reigning queen of sexy zombie-dom until a certain ex-pornstar came along last year and grabbed that bull by the horns....

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1. Kat - Zombie Strippers

Sorry Linnea, but Jenna topped you. Maybe it was the pole dancing, maybe it was the shooting pool balls out of her downstairs area (ok, it was DEFINETLY that), but no matter which way ya cut it, Jenna Jameson's Kat is the sexiest zombie of all time. She may not be as attractive as she used to be, but she makes one hell of a zombie!
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Honorable Mention

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The nameless girl who has sex with Dr. Hubert Breast in the Re-Animator porn spoof, Re-Penetrator. What, you haven't seen it yet?

Close But No Cigar

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Suzanne (Linnea Quigley) from Night of the Demons. She's technically a mere demon and thus couldn't be included on this list, although one could argue that anyone who can stick a tube of lipstick into their nipple deserves to be on every top 10 list ever created, no matter the subject matter. Needless to say, I had to at least give her a shoutout.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Have you seen Jenna lately? She doesn't even need the zombie makeup anymore!

Johnny said...

Lol this is quite true, Anonymous!

OMGSeriously said...

wow @ night of the demons ... haven't seen that movie in forever.

shu said...

Re-Penetrator? Where can I find this? Have a link?

Johnny said...

Re-Penetrator =)

Wings said...

Great choices, man! Quite a kick-off for Halloween month! :)

the pizza said...

awesome post. thanks for enlightening me to the world of sexy zombies, a world I had no idea existed.

Quanthor said...

HAHAHA! Great stuff, Johnny!

willy jerk-off said...

What about the 2 gorgeous little blond birds who were eating the bikers guts in the original 1978 version of "Dawn Of The Dead", they were only on screen for 1 second (literally) but i always remembered them.

Maweanne said...

Totally found that reanimator porn in my roommate's collection of dvds. Have not seen it yet though.

B-Movie Becky said...

Haha, great idea for a post. Still not sure about the whole sexy thing though...

2vs8 said...

agreed, zombies are hot...

the jaded viewer said...

awesome list...you should do more. now i have to check out zombie strippers...damn you.

Carl (ILHM) said...

Dude Julie > all, she could turn anyone necro

Randy Smith said...

The zombie in this short = hot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpwYQl8BH34