Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Black Devil Doll, It's Alive ('09) & Wrong Turn 3 - Only One Is Worth a Shit...

Can you guess which one?

I'll give ya a hint - it's the one about a black militant puppet with a penchant for killing trashy broads and then fucking their corpses.

Give up?

It's Black Devil Doll, ya jive ass turkey!



An afro-American rapist/killer is sentenced to death, executed, and then returns to life in the form of a demonic puppet, all thanks to a bored slut with floppy tits and a Ouija board. Thus begins Black Devil Doll - an utterly amusing softcore porn filled look at what Child's Play would have been like had Brad Dourif been a one liner spouting black dude obsessed with white ass - lickin' it, killin' it, and lickin' it some more. If you like movies like The Gingerdead Man and just want to have some completely mindless and immature fun, this Black Devil Doll is precisely what the doctor prescribed. At just 72 minutes in length, BDD admittedly does get a tad bit tired and repetitive at times, but I had a hell of a lot of fun with it and i'm pretty sure Jen did too - although i'm not sure she'd admit it to me or to herself, for that matter. It's trashy (very trashy), it's bloody, it's a muthafuckin' sex crazed puppet on a rampage and I highly recommend this soon to be muthafuckin' cult favorite to anyone with a muthafuckin' similar sense of humor to my muthafuckin' own. Anyone else need not apply. Black Devil Doll hits DVD next Tuesday, the 27th. Pre-order it now, MUTHAFUCKA! If you need any more convincing, check out the trailer.



I don't know why I blind bought this movie, but I did and that's that. I knew it would suck, but I have an intense curiosity when it comes to remakes and I just had to buy it when I saw it sitting there on the shelf - I never had a choice in the matter. What a horrible piece of crap this is and it looks 100x worse following so closely after a similarly themed, and infinitely better, bloodthirsty baby movie - Grace. Good timing, guys, real good timing. Whereas Jordan Ladd was perfectly cast as a desperate and endlessly devoted mother in Grace, Bijou Phillips was so horribly miscast in this one and turns in an utterly dreadful performance - which doesn't do any favors for the film, being as she's essentially the focal point of the whole affair. The other focal point? A horrifically CG'ed baby that appears normal at times and then demonic at others, proving that continuity was paid no mind by the filmmakers. This is a perfect example of why so many people hate remakes and the current state of horror with such a passion. First Pumpkinhead goes CG and now the Davis baby - when will it end?!



Well it looks like the Wrong Turn franchise has officially nuked the head. What started with a pretty cool and gory intro totally came crashing down with an unbelievably bad CGI death scene at the end of said intro and only slipped further down from there. This movie left me with nothing more than a strong desire to pop in Wrong Turn 2 and let Rollins kick the ass of the memory of me watching it. Again, the movie is brought down several notches by horrible CGI - but it's pretty awful all around anyways. Everything good that WT2 had going for it - kickass practical effects, good acting, good character development, a competent director, entertainment up the arse, Rollins - was totally absent from this third installment and replaced by the polar opposites on all counts - terrible CGI effects, horrific acting, zero character development, a SyFy original pictures director, boredom, and generic criminal characters that will never be as badass as Henry Rollins, no matter how much they curse and no matter how many people they kill. The Wrong Turn formula lays the groundwork for some gory kills and mindless entertainment and needs nothing more than those two ingredients to satisfy me and yet WT3 could not even provide that. Epic fail. I'll take even the edited for TV WT2 over this shit any day of the week.

14 comments:

Jason said...

I have always had a thing for Bijou Phillips, epseically in Havoc (she makes out with Anne Hathaway) and Hostel 2.

Emily said...

I just watched It's Alive '09 last night and my goodness, it's dreck. I was waiting to see how bad it would be and 10 minutes in, I realized it would reach depths I couldn't even fathom. There's NO continuity whatsoever. Does nobody but Philips look at the baby the entire film? Does her friend not know about the whole hospital slaughter thing? What's up with the little boy's friend who introduces herself in a stop-all-action scene only to never be seen again?

I mentioned this on Twitter: I'm actually really excited to review this movie. I haven't hated something this much since The Hitcher remake.

Johnny said...

Jason - She's good at playing a trashy drug addict whore, but that's about it!

Emily - Can't wait to read your angry review!

Bar said...

Saved me some money on a purchase of Wrong Turn 3, thanks man!

Any word on why the producers felt they needed to hire someone other than Joe Lynch? I can't imagine he would have turned it down if they wanted him....the guy just loves bloodshed too much.

Johnny said...

No idea if Lynch was ever approached or not, but I doubt he would've agreed to direct this script!

Bar said...

Yeah, well, a tweak here, a tweak there, you make it your own.

That's what a good director does. I mean, we horror devotees love him dearly but it's not like he can pick and choose scripts at will like spielberg.

Planet of Terror said...

Have you seen the original Black Devil Doll (From Hell) from 1984? Haven't seen the newer version but I'm surprised in the press for the film they don't mention the original. A total goof riot, you should totally check it out. VHS camcorder gloriousness with a Nintendo soundtrack to boot.

Johnny said...

Na I haven't seen Black Devil Doll From Hell, but i'll definetly check it out!

Carl (ILHM) said...

Im actually watching ITS ALIVE right now.. Sort of.. If you count not paying attention because it sucks balls and doing my internet stuff instead watching. I have the same morbid curiosity, which got me to watch APRIL FOOLS DAY, but man.. What a shitty, shitty exactly what everyone claims GRACE to be film..

Im starting to think that Netflix has been mistakingly putting ITS ALIVE in all of the outgoing GRACE envelopes because GRACE ended up being more popular than they expected and they didnt have enough copies.

SCanfield23 said...

Planet Terror, in the interviews for the film Jon actually talked a lot about the original Chester N. Turner original and why they made this film.

I've seen the original, and even at like 70 mins, it's mostly unwatchable. It's worth watching for the 10 minutes that are cool, but the other 60 are a waste of VHS tape (what it was shot on).

I love Black Devil Doll, we were all at the premiere back in April at the New Beverly Cinemas, and that's on the special features on the DVD, I still haven't seen it yet, so I'm not sure if we're actually on there, our buddy Jerry was running the camera for most of the stuff at the premiere so I'm curious to see it. Check out the DVD, from what I've seen and heard, the special features alone are awesome (Black Devil Doll cartoon....c'mon!), I can't wait to check it out.

Johnny said...

I'll have to delve into the special features this weekend. It should also be noted that the DVD comes with a free mini poster!

the jaded viewer said...

I can't praise Black Devil Doll enough (review here).

It's really funny in that exploitation sorta way and is totally offensive which is a breath of fresh air.

I've even read the book! Totally nuts. The DVD is loaded with tons of stuff which make it all worthwhile.

Zach. said...

I don't know about Black Devil Doll. I thought it was hilarious for a little while until the doll started raping everybody. Then, it got old quick. But then after all the raping was over, it got funny again. So I don't know what I think about it... I skipped "It's Alive" and "Wrong Turn 3" because of bad reviews.

Anonymous said...

Zach you are clueless, the RAPES were the best part! Pussy.