Final Thoughts on Elm Street 2010

Now that i've had almost two weeks to really think about the Elm Street remake and let it settle into my brain, I feel the need to speak a few final words on the subject. Truth be told, now that the smoke has fully cleared, I have realized that my initial thoughts on the film were just a tad too lenient. My judgement was admittedly clouded by my love of all things Freddy and because of that, I was perhaps not able to say what I truly felt about the movie - not because I wasn't honest with my review (I am ALWAYS 100% honest with my reviews), but because I didn't really feel so strongly against the movie as I do now that i've put some serious thought into it, not to mention now that i've relived the magic and awesomeness of the franchise and fallen in love with it all over again through Never Sleep Again : The Elm Street Legacy (I promise, it's the last time i'll mention it!). I guess what i'm trying to say is....

The Nightmare on Elm Street remake is a complete and utter piece of shit. It sucks, it's garbage, it's fucking terrible.

There, I said it. And the reason why I said it isn't even so much because of the shitty characters or the bad CGI or even the bad makeup job. It's because of the utter pointlessness of what was put onto the screen.

Platinum Dunes had ENDLESS possibilities to capitalize on the incredible groundwork that was laid down for them with the original franchise by doing something new with that groundwork, expanding on that universe, and telling us a new Freddy tale the likes of which we have never seen before. With the modern technology that wasn't around at the time of those original films, they had the opportunity to bring a mind blowing vision to the screen that would satisfy the hardcore fans and perhaps even convert non-fans of the originals over to our side. But what did they do? They slapped some shitty makeup on "Freddy" and told the same fucking story we've already had told to us before and in fact, even showed us the same exact scenes we already saw well over two decades prior - what the fuck is the point of that? All that endless potential and the best they could come up with was an hour and a half loop of the simple and totally unoriginal formula of character falls asleep, encounters Freddy, gets killed in the same way that character did in the original? If they weren't gonna even bother trying to make things fresh and new and deliver us a new vision of Elm Street, why didn't they just bring back Englund? Better yet, why did they even bother with it at all? FUCKING. POINTLESS.

On pretty much every single level, Elm Street '10 was an epic failure and will go down in horror film history as one of the biggest droppings of the ball ever. I for one cannot tell you how sad it makes me that Freddy got this treatment and I can only hope that those involved with the sequel at least attempt to put the care and love into the film that it deserves. At least fool us into thinking you're doing it for more than monetary reasons, I beg of you. As much as us fans of the original franchise love the stories from those movies and love the scenes and characters in them, we'd rather just go back and watch those movies to get our fix of that stuff. We don't want or need to see Freddy sticking his claws up between Nancy's legs in the bathtub again, we want new iconic images to fall in love with. Is that asking so much? Exercise some goddamn creativity, will ya? It's pretty fuckin' sad when the only cool scenes in a remake are ones that were pulled directly from the original....

I feel much better with that off my chest. I think I need to cool off and go hang out with the Dream Warriors.