Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Piranha 3D - The Ultimate SyFy Original Picture

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

There are two kinds of horror movies in this world - the serious ones and the fun ones. Most of them aren't sure which they want to be, which results in neither a fun movie nor one you can enjoy on any serious level. Piranha 3D is the rare exception that not only knows exactly what it wants to be, but embraces what kind of movie it is to the fullest extent and manages to deliver every single thing that anyone going to see such a movie would want - in copious amounts. From the very start, which features the best cameo since Bill Murray popped up in Zombieland, to the end, which sets up for a super sized sequel (which has already been greenlit), Piranha 3D is absolutely the most fun time i've had at the theatre this year and that's a sentiment that I would quite frankly be shocked to not hear echoed from each and every person that goes to the theatre to see it. In fact, i'd go so far as to say that the only way you could come out of the theatre not feeling like you got your moneys worth from it is if you have no interest in seeing what the film promises to show you ; oodles of fully naked ladies getting ripped to shreds by razor toothed piranha. If that sounds good to you, then I can 100% guarantee that every penny you spend on your ticket will be well worth it. If it doesn't, then your ass belongs nowhere near any screen showing the movie.

It's amazing how few filmmakers these days seem to be able to figure out what us horror fans want from a movie of this sort. I can't tell you how many horror flicks of this ilk I see a year that totally skimp on both gore and nudity - the two essential ingredients in such a film. Why is it so hard for filmmakers to realize that this is what we want to see? We're a pretty easy group of moviegoer to please and yet so rarely are we actually pleased. What the fuck's up with that?! Much like a film like Hatchet, Piranha 3D is totally aware of what we want and expect from it and it gives us both of those afformentioned ingredients to such a massive extent that ensures nobody can complain about a lack of either of them. I'm not saying every horror movie needs buckets of blood and loads of fake unclothed tits but sometimes that is all that's needed and if there ever was a time where it was needed, it's when a Roger Corman produced B-movie about killer fish is being remade. Thank you Alexandre Aja for understanding this and for giving us precisely what we wanted. In my eyes you have totally redeemed yourself for Mirrors and have solidified yourself as the reigning king of the horror remake.

Horror movies of decades past used to be so much fun, and Piranha 3D is a little throwback to those days, the days where nudity and gore co-existed for one purpose and one purpose only - to entertain us. Much like many of those movies, it's corny at times (in a hilariously brilliant move, it is a single beer bottle that causes the piranha to be unearthed), but it knows this and it releshes in this fact, so don't you dare try and hold that against it. Piranha 3D aims to be the movie that every SyFy original picture wants to be and it succeeds admirably in that task. I cannot recommend enough that you see it.

By the way just want to mention that I saw the film in 2D, being that those 3D glasses always give me a headache. Never have bought into the gimmick and never will, but i'm sure another level of fun will be added to the proceedings for those of you who are not aggravated by the glasses. Prepare for plenty of boobs, plenty of blood, plenty of piranha and even a shredded up regurgitated penis to come flying right at ya!

6 comments:

Charlie B. said...

You didn't miss anything in 3D. I thought the 3D gags were weak and most of the time I was adjusting my glasses because various parts of the film seemed to be out of focus. Other than that I really liked the movie!

B-Movie Becky said...

Agree with Charlie B, you didn't miss much by not seeing it in 3D (especially since it was converted in post and not shot with 3D cameras).

I didn't love or hate Piranha 3D. I enjoyed the massive carnage of course, but thought Aja could have done better. Not enough set pieces and not enough true cheese if you ask me. Oh well, I still had a good time and that's all that matters.

Fred [The Wolf] said...

Great review! I really enjoyed the hell out of this one myself! And yeah, the 3D was disappointing. It was done post-production, which made the gags not work as well as they should have. But other than that, probably the most fun I had with a 3D film since My Bloody Valentine 3D last year. We need more films like this on the big screen. Whoever made Vampire Sucks more successful than this can kiss my ass!

Strange Kid said...

I caught the 3D version tonight actually and its palatable. I can't say that it really adds to the experience (I've always felt 3D robs one of a sense of imagination), but it did enhance the jump scares in a few sequences.

Great film all around, one that I would definitely be proud to carry on my shelf as a self-respecting fan of horror.

Jack Veasey said...

Everybody is raving about this flick. I rarely see films in the theater anymore, but I'll have to make an exception for this one.

Johnny said...

Jack, it's definitely one ya wanna see in the theatre with a crowd.