Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Kids Say The Creepiest Things ...

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There's a weekly local paper in my area called The Independent that ran a special pullout section this week with the results of the "Short & Scary Story Contest" that apparently was taking place these past couple weeks amongst kids from grades K-8. It was the third place winning story in the grade 5-8 category that really caught my eye, making me believe its creator is either going to end up being a horror writer or a psychopathic serial killer ...

Got Bait?
By Sean Ryan, Grade 7

"Shane was eaten by a killer whale. The blood splatter inspired me."


How creepy is that shit! Not only is it creepy that this kid wrote this, but that the paper chose this as a winner and printed it for all to see! What the fuck!

While i'm here, I might as well post the super bizarre Grand Prize winning story, which was apparently written by a 7th grader named Antonio Sanchez. I say 'apparently' because it sounds more like the frightening account of a hellish nightmare had by a teen who OD'ed on MTV. This story reeks of bad parenting ...

"It was Halloween and I was looking out over Russia. There was a killer on the loose who had been killing famous people for three years now, and it was always on Halloween. I knew I would be next. By the way, my name's Sarah, Sarah Palin. I was on my way to a meeting when I got a call. My cell was somewhere in my bag and I just missed it. I had one missed call.

After the meeting, I went straight home and turned on the TV. Beyonce got shot while performing 'Single Ladies'. I then remembered my missed call. I checked the voicemail and it said, "Your time is almost up." Then I heard, "Lady Gaga, you're on." "Shut up!", she said, "i'm on the phone." Then she hung up. I then went to go get something to eat from my fridge but I had no food, so I had to go to the Igloo Store. I went to the Igloo and I noticed that somebody was following me. then I recognized the person. It was Usher. I didn't know if he was good or bad, but I didn't want to take any chances, so I ran. He caught up though and said, "Wait, I am trying to help you. Someone's going to kill you!" Just then, a bullet came right toward us. Usher jumped in front of me. He got shot and said, "Oh my gosh!" I got in my car and sped all the way home. When I got into the door, a hand came around my mouth.

"Shhhhh," it was Jackie Chan. He is a good friend of mine. I asked him, "Why, why are these people out to get me?" "I don't know," he said. We ran outside and just then, a masked killer tried to tackle me. But luckily, Jackie taught me marshal arts. I kicked the killer in the leg. Then my daughter Bristol, cha cha'd her way out and shimmy, shimmied him towards the edge. Suddenly, Snooki came at the killer with a pickle. Snooki ripped off his mask, and revealed Mike, "The Situation." J-Wow appeared and pushed him off the cliff. He fell into the cold ocean, but somehow, David Hastlehoff came up, put Mike on his chest, and shot him back up to my house. J-Wow was looking over when Sammi came out and pushed her off. But Sammi slipped and also fell off the edge. Next, Pauly-D ran out and screamed, "No!" I went over to him and said, "It's okay." I put my hand on his head but he said, "Whoa, whoa don't touch da hair!" I then asked Jackie why all the Jersey Shore people were here? He said, "I dont..."

Just then Pauly-D ran to me and tried to kill me. So did all the Jersey Shore people who were left. Snooki came towards me with a pickle. Then they all pulled on zippers in the back of their heads, ripping off their human faces. They were really aliens!

They had four tentacles had slimy green skin. Just then the real Situation came out and the fake one charged at him. But the power of his 6-pack crushed him to pieces. I said, "Leave us alone!" One alien then said, "Under one condition, take us to our leader." He held up a picture of Barock Obama. "Yes," he said, "your president is, like us, an alien."


Yep, the youth of this nation is totally fucked ....

2 comments:

Mr. Macabre said...

I weep for the future.

Daph said...

Kid number one probably watches Dexter LOL