Friday, December 24, 2010

The Best Christmas Horror Movie You've Never Seen

I just want to take a moment this morning before I head off to endure a hellishly busy day of work to give a quick shoutout to the most severely underrated Christmas horror movie out there, a movie I finally got around to watching for the very first time the other night. Shot in 1989 and released on VHS by A.I.P. Home Video, it's called Elves and as of this moment, it has not yet been given the DVD treatment. One look at the plot description below will show you that this is a criminal injustice of the highest degree ....


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An innocent romp in the woods turns into a hellish nightmare when three young girls accidently awaken an army of evil "Elves" - genetically created by a Neo-Nazi mad scientist during World War 2.

These hideous creatures don't work for Santa ... they have a special mission : to mate with a virgin and take over the world as a pint-sized master race!

Dan Haggerty stars as Mike McGavin, a department store Santa who must expose this unholy force and stop the gruesome terror before the Elves destroy Christmas.



Now i'll admit, the movie doesn't and simply could never live up to the movie you probably just created in your mind after reading that back cover description, but Elves - which actually only features one Nazi elf - is nevertheless a piece of true cinematic gold, the kind of off the wall flick that could only be an export of the glorious 80's. Though i'm sure the movie does have a substantial underground cult following, I don't think i've ever actually had anyone mention it to me or implore me to see it, and I consider it quite an injustice that I went 24 years without doing so. In an effort to make sure you don't go a day longer without Elves and the transfixingly hammy Haggerty Claus in your life, I urge you to watch the below clip I just uploaded from the movie, which pretty much sums up its unparalleled awesomeness. Behold what just might be the greatest scene in the history of film.



Kickass old school creature effects, inbreeding, a chain smoking Santa and a sinister Nazi elf join forces in Elves, simply the very best Christmas horror movie you've never seen and maybe even one of the best B-movies you've never seen, for that matter. I advise you to find a way to change that real soon!

Though not available on DVD, Elves can be picked up on the format from VHSPS.COM for only 10 bucks. Use the Freddy In Space exclusive code BOOTS to receive 10% off your order!

9 comments:

Anthony1138 said...

Dude, this film sounds amazing! I can't believe I've never come across it before. Thanks for opening my eyes to this film and for the great write up. Now I have to go seek search the web for Elves. Merry Christmas!

scary film reviewer said...

wow, i thought I was the only one that saw this. I was lucky to have a korean owned video store in my "hood" for a long time, and i eventually got a job there. I tried to get this vhs before i left the store for seattle, but alas, the store closed due to lack of customers :(

great review, i love the vhsps, which i had money though

Mister Bones said...

one of my all-time faves, I watch it every year.

Grey @ The dARk HOurs Horror Podcast said...

This is 1 of the best grade Z "bad" movies I've ever seen. Grizzly Adams performance is worth it alone but add in some awesomely bad dialogue and one of the worst puppet monsters in history and you've got a Christmas powerhouse CLASSIC!!!

The Frog Queen said...

Oh, now this I MUST see. Thanks for the heads up!

Merry Christmas to you!

Cheers!

Sauceman said...

Yeah and youve got fucking big tits and im gonna tell everyone i saw em! LMAO!!!! Wow, possibly the greatest quote in horror history.

the posturing (and admittedly rather irritating) little popinjay said...

How the hell did this one stay under the radar for 21 years?, by the way, Merry Christmas.

Fear Finder said...

wish there was a good torrent out there :( remember this as a kid, vaguely

Jesse Lee Alan Bartel said...

Its better when we shout that scene at work!