Wednesday, September 28, 2011

New Release Review : Creature

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An ex-Navy seal, his girlfriend and their friends head out on a road trip to New Orleans. The group decides to stop at a roadside convenience store owned by Chopper, who tells them the tale of Lockjaw, a fabled god-like creature who is half-man, half-alligator. Their curiosity peaked, the group decides to play along with the local tourist trap and journey deep into the backwoods to find the old dilapidated cabin which is supposed to be the birthplace of the creature. As they set-up camp for the night, their faith is put to the test when Lockjaw turns out to be more than just a myth and they realize the locals are hiding a horrifying secret that jeopardizes them all.

First off, I gotta ask, does anyone know how the hell this movie actually made it onto over 1,500 screens a few weeks back? I ask this question not because of the quality of the movie, as it was a question that boggled my mind before I even saw it, but rather because indie slasher flicks like this generally don't make it to theaters, and this one seemingly has nothing going for it that would give it that rare opportunity. It's got genre legend Sid Haig, sure, but he's hardly got the kinda pull to get a movie into the theater, all due respect. It's just really strange that this little movie has gotten so much attention, and i'm not sure how it came to the surprise of the director or the company that spent the money to put it out that it became one of the lowest grossing films in box office history (second worst per location average ever & the absolute lowest ever for a movie played on over 1,500 screens). Shocking? Hardly.

I first heard about Creature at Monster Mania a couple months back, when an army of hot chicks was deployed to spread the word by handing out posters along with snap bracelets with the Creature logo printed on them, which were snapped around said posters. It was a simple marketing campaign that got my interest, as i'm a sucker for snap bracelets and hot chicks (moreso snap bracelets), and I was quite shocked to only a week later see the trailer for the film playing before Don't Be Afraid of the Dark at my local theater. Again, what the hell did director Fred Andrews do to get his movie so much goddamn attention?!

In any event, now that i've seen Creature, my Creature snap bracelet has been tossed into my mountain of freebies i've received over the years of running a horror blog, no longer eager to snap itself tightly around my wrist. Creature is a film i'm not going to be supporting on any level, not only because I just plain didn't like it but even moreso because of some of the comments the director has been making about the many negative reviews it has received. But first, let me talk a bit about why I didn't like it.

The best way I can sum up the movie is that it's a poor man's Hatchet, and I say that because it's quite frankly a total ripoff of Hatchet at times, down to minute little details. But whereas Hatchet was a balls to the wall fun throwback to slasher flicks past, Creature is more akin to a modern day Syfy original picture, no matter how hard it is trying to be a similar type of throwback, only perhaps more to the rubber suit monster heydays of folks like Roger Corman. What starts off as a flick that appears as if it's going to be fun and enjoyable to watch, if nothing else, quickly falls apart when you realize you're getting absolutely no gore and the plot gets stupider and stupider, with director Fred Andrews neither capturing or reveling in the fun of either the monster movie or the slasher flick. It's essentially a slasher movie that bores more than it entertains and when it comes to slasher movies, boredom pretty much makes them pointless watches to this guy right here. If I don't even get to see a creature brutally kill people in a creature feature, why the hell am I even watching the movie?

Now, if there's anything positive I can say about the movie, and I hate to say anything positive about it due to the director's comments, it's that the titular Creature is in fact a real rubber suit monster, rather than one comprised of CGI like we're used to seeing these days. He's got a pretty lame backstory and looks highly shiteous, but I give props to any movie made in this day and age that has a throwback rubber monster suit in it. Effects are also practically done, even if there aren't really any memorable gore scenes to speak of throughout. The other positive thing about the movie is that it visually looks great, far better than a movie of this kind has any business looking. So, props for that too. The titties weren't half bad either.

Ultimately though, even being a guy who loves both monster movies and slasher flicks, I had little to no fun with Creature. Its aim is simply to be fun and it simply just isn't fun. It's no better than any similar movie you'd find on your travels through the original pictures of Syfy and i'd imagine that's exactly where it will end up in the coming months.

So, what has the director been saying in regards to all the negativity being hurled towards the movie in the past couple weeks, with most reviewers calling it both bad and utterly weird (incestuous handjob scene FTW!)? He has basically gone on the attack against all bloggers who have disliked the movie, which is just about the lamest thing a filmmaker could ever do. Here's what he had to say about folks like me :

"But seriously, of course I anticipated a lot of negative reviews just given the very nature of the film. It's not a film for critics; I mean, come on, it's called CREATURE, for God's sake! But on the other hand, I was happily surprised when the LA Times gave us a good, honest review; they got it. As have a number of other reputable critics and publications like FANGORIA, Nuke the Fridge, Killer Films and Unwinnable. Those lowbrow sites that have trashed it and bloggers who harshed on the film were no surprise to me, man. Come on, what kind of critic are you if you use the word "titties" in your review, or you're still talking about my film when you're reviewing another one. You can't take those guys seriously, man; they're bottom feeders."

So wait, you're saying the movie was supposed to be bad and thus, all negative reviews of it are negated? Ummm, ok. Talk about a cop out, you douchey fucker. And for the record, little bottom feeding bloggers like myself are primarily the ones who have reviewed and spread the word on your little shit movie, giving you all the absolutely free press you could ever dream of. Talking shit about us is probably not the best idea if you ever want to make another horror movie again. Oh and about us not being real critics. Not that I consider myself one, but first you say that this movie wasn't for critics but essentially rather for people who like cheesy creature features and use words like titties and then you dismiss all the reviews from that latter group of individuals because they're not real critics? Make up your fucking mind, dude. Us horror bloggers are the ones you want to get on your side, being that we already love these kinda movies right off the bat and thus, will be a whole lot more forgiving than the "real critics".

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Fuck yourself.

- Sincerely, Lowbrow Bottom Feeder

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Vintage Toy Box : Skateboard Smack-Ups

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Though released around the same time and cut from the same cloth as the still to this day mega popular Garbage Pail Kids trading cards, these exports of the gross out fad of the glorious 80's are relatively obscure little gems, so don't feel bad if the name Skateboard Smack-Ups doesn't ring any bells for ya. Released by Playtime Products Inc. in 1986, the line consisted of 12 figures depicting horrific skateboarding accidents, with the names of the characters referencing the damage they sustained while on their four wheel journeys, everything from cracking their heads on car doors to impaling themselves on tailpipes. Skateboard Smack-Ups took a lighthearted and collectible approach to highlighting the dangers of skateboarding, but as you might imagine parents didn't view them as public service announcements intended to keep their children safe. Granted they were merely produced to capitalize on both the gross out and skateboarding fads of the time, but I always like to see the good in things, especially when it comes to twisted toys from the 80's.

In any event, since violent images corrupt our youth and turn our children into sick individuals, parents complained enough to get the Skateboard Smack-Ups gang pulled from shelves, ensuring their place in toy infamy and only serving to drive up demand for them. What the lady i've quoted below didn't seem to realize is that comments like these only make kids want things like this all the more ...

"Toys like Skateboard Smack-Ups plant the ideas of insensitivity and invulnerability. I see that, really, as a prelude or precursor to violence and vulnerability. The world takes on an almost ominous quality, that being hurt is common" - Psychologist Noelle Clark, September 9th, 1987

Being hurt is in fact pretty damn common, Noelle. And these things are totally awesome, just as they were back in the year of my birth. I'm pretty sure no kid ever played with these and then got on a skateboard and purposely rolled down a hill as fast as they could into a car door. Unless that kid's name was Steve-O, in which case i'm still pretty sure these little toys weren't the demonic voices in his ear that made him do it. In any event ...

I managed to track down images of all 12 of the Skateboard Smack-Ups, so here they are for your viewing enjoyment!!

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RONNIE ROADKILL

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PATTY PLATE GLASS

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TAMMY TAILPIPE

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WALLY WALLBANGER

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SAMMY STOP SIGN

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AMY ASPHALT (or as Tarman calls her, 'the sexiest woman on earth')

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LOIS LOW BRANCH

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BETTY BUMPERS

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RICH STITCHED

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TIMMY TIRE TRACK

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TONY TRAFFIC CONE

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CARRIE CAR DOOR

Isn't it funny how the times change? Nowadays you can walk into Toys R Us and buy Jason Voorhees action figures, complete with the severed heads of his victims. You can also flip past any number of channels on any given night and watch entire shows dedicated to showing videos of real life accidents, with witty commentary intended to make you laugh at the horrific misfortunes of others. Suddenly, little skateboard toys of kids with their heads up raccoon's asses don't seem so horrible anymore, am I right Ms. Clark?

10 Kickass Homemade Halloween Costumes!

I spent a good hunk of the day yesterday prowling the deepest darkest recesses of Google Image search to find the coolest and most creative homemade Halloween costumes I could find, the ones based off of characters from horror movies. Though it was fun, I didn't do it for my own health. As with most everything I find myself doing, I did it for your enjoyment. So here are the cream of the crop, my top 10 favorite costumes I found in my travels!

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Image and video hosting by TinyPic

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*bonus points if you know what movie this is from*

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You probably noticed that most of these are either from WTF Costumes or Coolest Homemade Costumes, so you should probably book stays at those two sites if you're looking for further costume inspiration!

Monday, September 26, 2011

The Jaws Scars Meme!

Remember that scene in Jaws where Quint, Brody and Hooper show off and share stories of their scars? Of course you do, it's only one of the most iconic scenes in horror movie history. Well i've decided to steal from them and turn their drunken scar talk into a blogging meme, wherein myself and any other horror blogger who wants to can share the stories about their own personal scars. The physical ones. So don't use this opportunity to cry about your heartless ex. Spare us, please. I'm not gonna tag anyone and make them feel like they're forced to participate so if you've got a blog and want to get in on the fun, feel free. If not, feel free. And if you don't have a blog, feel free to talk about your permanent physical damage in the comments section below.

Allow me to kick things off!

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1, 2 & 3 : Scars 1-3 are all from the same accident and though I blogged about said accident once in the past, i'll recap it quickly here for anyone who missed the story. When I was around 12 years old or so I locked my brother out of our house and he naturally began repeatedly knocking on the front door to get me to let him in. The front door had a big glass window in the center and I pretended to fake punch him through the window, as we had done with each other in the past. Only this time, I actually did punch the window. And my arm went right through it. I quickly retracted my arm out of the shattered window and tore it up pretty bad on the way out, though I didn't realize how much damage I did until I jetted to the bathroom and ran the bloody wound under the sink. I literally saw the inside of my arm, veins and guts and all, and knew things were a lot worse than I had anticipated. My mom wrapped a towel tight around my forearm until the ambulance came and carted me off to the hospital, where I soon found out that I was mere millimeters away from severing the artery in my forearm, which pretty much would've killed me instantly. When the glass shattered it also cut my tricep area on the same arm and my elbow on the other arm, though those two wounds weren't so bad even though they left gnarly scars. Miraculously, I never really felt any pain as a result of the accident and was sent home with nothing more than a whole lot of stitches the very same night. Needless to say, I never fake punched a window again. For a while I had to wear a wristband around my wrist/forearm while the wound healed and I pulled the look off so well that a schoolmate of mine totally jacked my style and started wearing wristbands of his own, though he had no injury to cover up. Tool.

4 : Believe it or not this one happened less than a week after the window incident, so I guess my stupidity still remained. With my arm all bandaged up I for some reason decided to do a knee slide from my room to my parent's room, not realizing that their was a big ass screw or nail sticking up out of the floor, and I ended up slicing my knee up something fierce, which left a flap of skin in a jigsaw pattern dangling off my leg. I tried hiding the wound but my dad ended up seeing me trying to hobble back into my room. I probably should've gotten some stitches tossed in there but it being so soon since my last hospital visit, I convinced him to let it heal on its own. Goddamn I am a dumb motherfucker.

5 : I was too young at the time to remember this one, but i've been filled in on the details in the years since it happened. From what I gather, I somehow fell onto a giant anchor at my grandparent's house when I was a little kid, and it managed to hook directly into my leg. Yes, I had an anchor sticking out my leg. While I don't remember this (thank god!), I do remember my grandpa years later showing me the anchor that fucked me over and then picking it and tossing it into the woods, as a bit of revenge for what it did to me. He was smart enough to not let me take out my own revenge on it, because I probably would've kicked the thing and ended up with it sticking out of my leg again.

Not too bad, eh? After all my years of backyard wrestling, i'm actually quite shocked that these are the only serious injuries i've sustained. There was that one time from my drinking days where a well placed headbutt from a drinking buddy broke my nose and spewed blood all over his house, but that one only scarred my desire to drink mass amounts of alcohol while out in public.

So, lets hear your brutal scar stories. Gross me out in the comments section below or on your own blog, and be sure to send me the link if you do the latter!

Cool Shit : Rubie's Chop Top Latex Mask!

When it comes to officially licensed Texas Chainsaw Massacre masks, we've always been limited to the big guy; Leatherface. If you want a mask/bust in the likeness of characters from the franchise who aren't as iconic and popular on a mainstream scale, such as Grandpa, you've always had to spend big bucks on custom made pieces from independent artists. Well not anymore, at least as far as everyone's favorite metal plated sumbitch is concerned.

Check out the brand new officially licensed Chop Top overhead latex mask from costume company Rubie's!!

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The stuff Rubie's makes is generally distributed at all the big time Halloween shops and though I haven't seen this mask at any of the ones around here yet, you better believe i'll be keeping my eyes peeled. The cheapest i've found it for online is $47.99 over at Toynk Toys.

Anybody who comes to my house on Halloween who is wearing this and says "Lick my plate, you dog dick" when I open the door gets all the candy in my house. Yep, even the private stash that's off limits to the trick or treaters. It's all yours.

So The Fright Rags Ad In The New Paracinema Magazine Is Pretty Sexy ...

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Not sure who that bearded dude is and i'm not gay or anything, but he pretty much makes Ryan Gosling look like a fat sweaty dude with acne. Am I right?

And yes, that is the first full look at the Rags' upcoming Hobo With a Shotgun shirt, hitting their site sometime next week!

The new issue of Paracinema (#13) is now available for sale both online and at over 75 retailers around the country. Pick it up because it's an awesome magazine, not just because you envy that dude's sweet face sweater!!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

CHILLERAMA : Getting Blasted With Blood & Semen Has Never Been This Much Fun!!

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So last night was awesome. Got the incredible opportunity to see Chillerama on the big screen, with Joe Lynch, Lloyd Kaufman and star of Adam Green's segment Kristina Klebe in the house watching it with us. The night was one i'll never forget and the movie delivered the complete awesomeness that I fully expected it to deliver. First let me give a brief rundown of how the night went and then i'll get on with my review, which probably won't be so much a review as a plea that you get your ass out to any theater you can find playing it, however far away, and enjoy it with an audience, up on the big screen. This is not one you're gonna wanna watch on your iPhone!

We departed for New York City around 8pm, being that it was a midnight screening, and picked up fellow horror blogger Jesse Bartel (Blood Sprayer/Liberal Dead) and his girlfriend Lindsay along the way. When we got there Jesse and Lindsay met up with Jesse's sister and Jen and I headed over to Dallas BBQ for some pulled pork sandwiches and a couple big ass pina coladas, a feast of sweet meats and strong drink that has become a pre-NYC event tradition for us over the years. After the meal we met up with Adam Barnick and headed over to Village East Cinemas, where we were soon greeted in the lobby by Joe Lynch, who stayed to chat for a bit before the movie started. He tapped me on the shoulder and said "nice shirt" (I was wearing an Adam Green shirt) and I initially didn't even realize who it was but then I snapped to and realized it was Joe motherfuckin' Lynch. Such a cool guy. Joe and I have talked back and forth online a few times over the years, which started with him e-mailing me one day to tell me he loves and reads my blog, so it was awesome to finally meet him in person. We got along quite swimmingly and he didn't turn down my request to make out in our picture together ...

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Took that shot with him and then told him I was the dude who writes Freddy In Space, being that he knows the blog but wouldn't know what I looked like, and he seemed genuinely excited to find out who the bearded fellow he just faux made out with was, hugging me and echoing my sentiments in regards to how cool it was to finally meet in person. On another little side note that we bonded over, Joe's mom and my dad actually recently started working together as of this year, which is one of those "small world" situations if i've ever seen one. Hope to get more time to hang out with Lynch at a convention or something of that nature in the future. Seems like he'd be a blast to toss back a few drinks with!

After chatting for a bit we headed into the theater, where Joe introduced Lloyd Kaufman (who sat right behind us) and Kristina Klebe, before giving a hilarious introduction to the movie, wherein he talked about how shocked he was that this sick and twisted little movie that four friends made with their friends ended up getting played in a big time theater in Manhattan. God bless Image Entertainment for having the balls to give this little midnight movie the proper midnight movie theatrical treatment, even if only in limited release fashion.

I'm sure everyone who would be interested in Chillerama knows what it's about, but in case you don't, here's a brief synopsis. The basic gist is that the owner of a drive-in theater (Hatchet's Richard Riehle) is going out with a bang by showing his four favorite lost genre films on the last night before his theater is demolished, and before he blows his brains out. So we basically get four different short films, directed by four different filmmakers, and all tied together by the wraparound story of the drive-in audience watching the films, which ends up not exactly going as planned. As a whole, the movie is a gloriously immature and enormously entertaining romp through the genre's history, probably the most pound for pound entertaining film you will see this year. Let's take a closer look at the individual parts that comprise this throwback experience, in the order that they are shown.

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WADZILLA

Directed By Adam Rifkin


Of the four filmmakers involved with this project, Adam Rifkin is the one I was least familiar with going in, having never seen his most well known films Detroit Rock City or Look. Wadzilla is a take on 50's radioactive giant monster movies, only with a massive sperm as the monster in question (creature effects by the Chiodo Bros of Killer Klowns fame!). Rifkin himself plays a man who is given experimental drugs which end up enlarging his sperm to increasingly epic proportions, with the end result being a King Kong sized spermatozoa with one main mission; impregnating the biggest chick in the city ... the Statue of Liberty. Wadzilla kicks off Chillerama with a gooey bang and sets the tone for the immaturity and utter depravity that's about to cum. In other words, if you're not down with bucket loads of ejaculant alongside bucket loads of blood, then Chillerama just aint for you!

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I WAS A TEENAGE WEREBEAR

Directed By Tim Sullivan


Tim Sullivan's short is a coming out story set in a Rebel Without a Cause world, a musical about a man coming to terms with his homosexuality and fending off a horde of werebears (hairy gay men) in the process. I hate to say anything negative about a movie that provided me with so much entertainment, but if Chillerama has a weak link in it it's surely this segment, the only one of the four that failed to provide me with serious levels of joy. I haven't really been a fan of anything Tim Sullivan has done, so I kinda had a feeling this was gonna be my least favorite of the bunch. He seems like an awesome guy and all and it's cool that he made such a personal film, but it just didn't do much for me and ultimately ended up killing a bit of the steam that Wadzilla brought along with it. It's got some funny moments but it's nevertheless one I will probably skip on future DVD viewings of the film.

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THE DIARY OF ANNE FRANKENSTEIN

Directed By Adam Green


Leave it to Adam Green to get the film back on track with this entry, a short that takes more liberties with World War 2 history than Tarantino did with Inglorious Basterds. In Green's world, Hitler slaughtered the Frank family, whose real last name was Frankenstein before they changed it, and stole Dr. Frankenstein's monster blueprints, intent on creating the ultimate Nazi killing machine. As with everything Green has done in the past, The Diary of Anne Frankenstein is thoroughly entertaining, a spoof on the old black and white monster movies, with Joel David Moore playing Hitler and Kane Hodder playing the Jewish monster, who Hitler names Meshugganah (the Yiddish word for "crazy"). The whole short is in German, subtitled in English, with all the actors/actresses really speaking German except for Joel David Moore, who speaks complete gibberish throughout, though his words are translated into proper English. Rife with intentionally poorly done effects, this one is perhaps the most humorous of the bunch. It's also the only one that doesn't have cock as a central theme. Not that there's anything wrong with cock.

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Zom-B-Movie

Directed By Joe Lynch


What starts out as a film called Deathication, a compilation about people straining themselves to the point that they shit, quickly turns into what is the real fourth segment in this anthology, with the drive-in wraparound tale becoming a horror film of its own, an homage to 70's/80's zombie flicks directed by Lynch. Only in Lynch's zombie film, the dead are not only intent on walking the earth, but fucking it as well. Ya know how zombies have to be shot in the head in order to be killed? Well in Zom-B-Movie it's their other head that has to be destroyed, and they're not going down without first fucking as many warm bodies as they can. Zom-B-Movie is a total gross out zombie flick, the perfect film to not only tie together the whole shebang but also end things on the most fitting of notes, as it gleefully celebrates all of the depraved ideas tossed our way in the previous hour and a half.

Bottom line being, Chillerama is so much fucking fun, a real treat for horror fans who like their horror hugely entertaining and full of as many bodily fluids as possible. It's truly everything you'd hope it would be and then some. As Lynch was saying beforehand, it's really amazing that a film this balls to the wall committed to its grossness and depravity ever made it on the big screen and I encourage each and every one of you to seek it out in the theater. The release is pretty limited but this is the kind of movie that is best experienced with an audience, so try and make a trek out to the nearest theater playing it if you possibly can. Here are the current theatrical listings. If you can't make it to any, you'll have to wait until November 29th to pick the film up on DVD or Blu-ray or to catch it On Demand.

After the movie ended Lynch planned on doing a little Q&A but since nobody immediately raised their hands to ask questions, he just said 'fuck it, lets all go get drunk'. Got to chat a bit more with him in the lobby and get a Chillerama poster signed before saying our goodbyes and heading out. Speaking of Chillerama posters ...

I've got a few of the 11x17 variety on hand (seen at the top of the post) and since the film put me in such a good mood, i'm feeling pretty giving at the moment. So i'll tell ya what. If you want one, leave me a comment below with your e-mail address and one of the locations and dates Chillerama will be playing at in the near future. In a few days, i'll randomly pick a couple of you to send a poster out to. How's that sound?

Friday, September 23, 2011

Win Free Horror Shit : Trick 'r Treat 3D Artwork From Popsic Art!!

Before we get into a brand new giveaway, I want to first announce the winner of the last giveaway, which was for a kickass Pennywise the clown mask from HalloweenCostumes.com. In order to enter you had to guess how many pieces of candy corn Sam had left over from last Halloween ...

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... with the person coming closest to the actual number being chosen as the winner of the mask. Believe it or not, one lucky commenter placed a guess that was within one number of the actual number. The actual number of pieces of candy corn in Sam's little jar was 331, and a man by the name of CHAD MILBURN was the winner of the giveaway with a guess of 332 pieces. So congratulations Chad and you will be receiving your Pennywise mask in the mail real soon. Have fun with it and try not to scare too many little kids. Actually, scare as many of them as you possibly can ... and send me a picture and/or video of you doing it!!

By the way, for anyone who's thinking of leaving a jar of candy corn in a room that's been known to have a high density of ants, I encourage you to put a lid on them or abandon that idea entirely. Poor Sam's little jar was infested with a shit ton of ants the day after I made the giveaway post, forcing me to toss them all in the garbage. Thankfully, I had counted them prior to the infestation!

But anyway, speaking of Sam, let's get on with our next giveaway!!

A while back I gave away a Freddy Krueger piece from Popsic Art, a company that specializes in hand cut 3D art pieces based around the world of pop culture. Today, Popsic Art returns with another little treat for you all, one that is quite fitting to where we are on the calendar right about now ...

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This piece of papercut artwork is completely hand cut, glued on layer by layer, and is housed inside a beautiful black wooden frame, with the capability of both sitting on a shelf or hanging on your wall (the wire to do so is included on the back). The framed piece is 5" by 5" and goes for $25 over at the Popsic Art shop. But since artist Joshua Zaitz loves you all, he's graciously sent one to me to give to one of you guys or gals absolutely free of charge. What could be better than that?!

All you've gotta do to enter is leave me a comment below with your e-mail address and the answer to the following question :

- If you could see one scene from Trick 'r Treat in three dimensions, which scene would you choose and why?

Giveaway is open to everyone and will run through next Friday, September 30th. Good luck to all and be sure to check out Popsic Art for more awesome 3D artwork!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

If You Pay To See One Movie In The Theater This Year ...

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I didn't intend on reviewing Drive on here, being that it's not in any way a horror movie, but now that I saw it tonight I absolutely have to say a few quick words, with the hope that those words will encourage at least one person reading this right now to drive as fast as they can to see the movie as soon as they possibly can. It's easy to get carried away in the excitement of coming fresh off of seeing a really good movie and start gushing about how it's one of the best movies you've ever seen, but when it comes to Drive it requires no exaggeration whatsoever on my part to call it a masterpiece, the very best movie I have seen this year. Period. End of story.

Drive is both beautiful and brutal, while remaining utterly mesmerizing from the very first frame to the very last one. I honestly cannot remember any movie in recent years, or ever for that matter, that had me so glued to the screen as I was tonight, unable to divert my eyes even for a second to look behind me and see who the hell was chewing their popcorn so goddamn loudly. I literally had my mouth agape the entire time that I was looking up at the screen, taking in the veritable buffet of awesomeness as if I had never before in my life even seen a movie. This is why us film lovers go to the movies.

Drive has a very simple plot, one we've probably all seen play out before, but it is executed so perfectly on every level that it comes off feeling completely fresh and new. Not a single second of the runtime is wasted and the pacing is impeccable, as is everything from the acting (the Goz is MONEY) to the directing to the writing to the soundtrack. It's like a beautiful love story inside of a Grand Theft Auto game (specifically the 80's themed Vice City), with as much heart as it's got the buckets of blood pumping through that heart, and I was so impressed by it that I feel like there's truly not enough I can say to really convey just how much I loved it. So i'll leave it at this ...

Do yourself a favor and drop the $11.50 to see Drive this weekend, if you haven't already done so. I'm pretty certain you'll find it to be the most well spent money that you've unloaded at the theater this year. Hell, even in the past several years. Take it from me, a dude who's pretty damn broke and who is nevertheless planning on seeing the film a second time this weekend. Movies like this don't come along very often at mainstream American cinemas. Do not miss it.

They All Float ... At McDonald's?!

Just want to quick mention while i'm still half asleep and about to toss on my human costume for another fun day of work that my buddy Nik Holmes' art is featured today as TeeFury's shirt of the day, with a pretty damn clever mashup between McDonald's and Stephen King's IT. Check it out!

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Nik has been a friend of mine for years and has even done some banner work for me (during Romero Week), and it's so awesome to see his work getting some serious exposure. The shirt is only 10 bucks and is available only throughout today, so grab one while ya still can if it tickles your fancy bone. Nik gets $1 of every shirt sold, so support this great artist while scoring yourself a kickass limited edition shirt in the process!

Check out more of Nik's work over at NikHolmes.com!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Best Of 'Amazing Stories' : Mummy Daddy

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Though i've seen several episodes throughout the years, i've always been kinda ashamed of myself that i've never delved too deep into Amazing Stories, the Spielberg created horror/sci-fi/fantasy anthology show that ran between 1985 and 1987. This probably has something to do with the fact that though season 1 got a DVD release a couple years back, season 2 has never been released here in the states (only in Japan & Germany), with no plans as of now of that changing. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Anyway, my buddy Chris Tanski was telling me about one of his favorite episodes last weekend at Monster Mania and I checked it out today and had to share it, just as I hope to share some of my other favorite episodes now that i've been given the proverbial kick in the pants that I needed to finally get around to watching more of the series.

The episode we're here to watch today is titled Mummy Daddy and it was episode 4 of the first season, with an original airdate of October 27th, 1985. Directed by Harry and the Hendersons' director William Dear with a story from the mind of Spielberg himself, Mummy Daddy sees the mummy actor of a horror movie rushing to the bedside of his pregnant wife, no time in between shooting and her giving birth to remove his makeup and costume. Naturally, hijinks ensue on the way to the hospital, with all the redneck locals mistaking the actor for a real life mummy. Sounds awesome? Well it is. And that's why i've included it in full below. Enjoy!



Not sure if it's true or not but there's a story within the horror business that has circulated for many years that Boris Karloff rushed from the set of Son of Frankenstein to the hospital when his daughter was born, still in full makeup and costume. This episode was reportedly based on that tale!

So, while we're here, what's your favorite episode of Amazing Stories?

My Event Calendar For The Remainder Of 2011!

Around this time of the year every year, it seems like every single day I stumble upon a new event somewhere in my general area that i'd absolutely love to attend. If I had all the money in the world, i'd click the 'I'm Attending' button on each of their Facebook invites but alas, I am hardly made of money. Hell, i'm not even made of anything that could be sold for money. Believe me, i've tried.

But there are a few events remaining this year that I will be attending, barring any unforeseen circumstances. Which is always a possibility. But here's as of now what i've got on my plate for the rest of the year!

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Chillerama Screening - New York City - September 24th

The chance to see this one on the big screen, with an audience, at midnight, was absolutely too irresistible to resist. Which is why I did not and could not resist. It's become a yearly tradition to head out to the city to see Adam Green's latest film, which has made them all the more special. Making this event even more badass and special is the fact that co-director Joe Lynch will be at this particular midnight showing, intro'ing and watching it with all of us perverse fucks who love giant sperm monsters and rape happy zombies. I intend on filling a flask with some fine spirits and enjoying the hell out of this one.

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TwitchTwitch Productions' House of 1,000 Corpses/Devil's Rejects Interactive Double Feature - Mastic, NY - October 6th

Friends of ours informed us of this little troupe a couple months back, who every Thursday night show double features of horror flicks on the big screen at a theater about 40 minutes from our house. Not only do they show the movies, but they also have all kinds of live theatrics going on before and during the movies. Haven't been to one of these events yet so I don't know exactly what they entail, but it sounds fun and interactive, a sort of throwback to the days of William Castle. Theatrics or not, seeing these two films back on the big screen is enough to earn my money.

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New York Comic Con - New York City - October 13th-16th

This convention isn't fully my cup of tea, being that the focus is more on comics than it is on horror movies, but I scored Jen and I some press passes so we're gonna check it out. I say that all cool and nonchalantly, but i'm totally geeking out on the inside that I for the first time in my life will attend a convention with a press pass hanging around my neck. I've made it mom! The only guests announced thus far that appeal to me are John Landis, Kevin Smith and Rose McGowan, all of who I will likely be able to afford to meet since i'll be saving a bunch of money on the tickets. Probably only gonna there for one day, likely Saturday the 15th.

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The Shining : Extended Cut - Rochester, NY - October 22nd

Call me a shitty horror fan, but I never knew until a couple days ago that the version of The Shining we've all seen a handful of times before isn't the most complete version of the film. This rare screening contains a couple minutes of footage cut from the version we've been watching for the past couple decades, which come right before the final moments of the film where the vintage picture of the Overlook's staff is zoomed in on. These lost minutes apparently contain the following two scenes, as reported on the website Bleeding Cool :

Firstly, there’s a little moment where some state troopers look for Jack, frozen in the ice, but don’t seem to be seeing him – for whatever reason.

Then a longer scene. It’s set in a hospital, where Ullman, the Overlook’s manager, tries to convince Wendy and Danny that nothing supernatural had happened in his hotel. He explains that Jack’s body was not recovered, and he gives Danny a tennis ball – presumably the same one that he followed into room 237.


How could I miss this? The screening ends up working out perfectly with a plan Jen and I have been working on making with Ben & Kristy of Fright Rags, so i'm pretty certain we'll be making it out to not only see the uncut film but also go on a private Fright Rags led tour of several of the filming locations seen in Lady In White. What better time to wander around those locations than a week before Halloween? I reckon we'll have to make a weekend out of it!

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Hudson Horror Show 4 - Poughkeepsie, NY - December 3rd

This one's still a few months off so nothing is set in stone yet, but there is a preliminary plan to make it out for this. Kristy Jett and perhaps even mutual friend Dick Greco are thinking of coming out to our place on that particular weekend and if they do, we will probably hang out here for a couple days and then grab a hotel in Poughkeepsie on Saturday and spend the night up there to take this one in. Never made it to a Hudson Horror Show in the past so i'm highly looking forward to the possibility. Hope hope!
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Aside from these events, we'll be hitting up as many haunted houses as we can afford over the course of this next month and a half. But you probably knew that already. What the hell else would horror fans like ourselves do this time of the year?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

New Release Review : Red State

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OUT NOW ON DEMAND! ON DVD & BLU-RAY OCTOBER 18TH!

I'm a huge fan of Kevin Smith, both as a person and as a writer/director. I've seen and enjoyed every movie he's made, i've read all of his books and I even watched him do his thing live at Carnegie Hall a couple years back (now that was one hell of a birthday gift!). So I guess you could say i'm a Kevin Smith fanboy, and proud of it. When I heard he was doing a horror movie of sorts, I was ecstatic, but I also couldn't help but ask myself a question. I know he can do humor and I know he can do a love story. But can Kevin Smith pull off a serious horror flick?

My god can he ever. Even as big of a fanboy as I am, i'm still not even sure I knew he had a film like this in him. Kevin Smith, the dick and vagina guy, has directed what I consider to be one of the best horror movies of the year ... go figure!

As you might imagine, Red State is about the furthest thing from movies like Clerks and anything else in the Kevin Smith filmography as you can get. The dicks are replaced by big ass machine guns and there's no Jason Mewes in sight. There's no love story and there's little to no humor after about the 5 minute mark. What we've got here is a dead serious film about religion gone to the extreme, one of the most intense and realistic horror films you'll see this year. Quite frankly, the only thing that even gives off any kind of hint that this is a Kevin Smith film is the fact that it's very dialogue and character based, though even those elements give the film more of a Tarantino feel than anything else. I guess what i'm trying to say is that this isn't really a quote unquote Kevin Smith movie and though that complete 360 degree shift in tone will probably turn off many a Smith fanboy, Red State has personally made me appreciate the man a heck of a lot more as both a writer and a director. With this one he proves that he's more than just the immature humor guy, as anyone who knows a bit about him already knew, and if you're asking me it's the best film he's made to date, a mature and important piece of cinema with a heck of a lot to say about religion and people in general. As brilliant as it is raw, Red State in my opinion needs to be seen by everyone reading this, Kevin Smith fan or not.

The cast all around is terrific, with the standouts being the two opposing leads; Michael Parks and John Goodman. Parks plays the Manson-like cult leader with terrifying conviction and frightening insanity, dancing madly one minute and ordering the executions of anyone who opposes his extremist beliefs the next. He pretty much steals the show but a thinned down John Goodman is not to be outdone as the agent on the other side of the fence. I've always been a big fan of Goodman's, ever since I started watching Roseanne as a kid, and it was awesome to see him back on the screen in a juicy and memorable role, the kind of role that Tarantino would write for an actor like him who really hasn't been too much in the public eye in recent years. There we go with that Tarantino thing again. Not surprised that when I just Google'd "Red State Tarantino" to see if anyone else made the comparison that I found that Smith himself called his movie "a Tarantino film by way of the Coen Brothers." May sound like a bit of self imposed high praise, but I truly couldn't have said it better myself.

Kevin Smith has always been a man with a lot to say, and a man that knows a whole lot about people, and he flexes these strengths in brilliant fashion in Red State, a horror film with as much relevant social commentary as it has violence and brutality. Smith has shown that not only can he explore the more lighthearted and lovey dovey sides of humanity, he can also explore the deepest darkest sides just as effectively. Red State is a powerful film that grabs hold of you and never lets go, with the only reprieve being the humorous ending that highlights the entire point of the film, which i'll allow you to find out for yourself. Leave it to the man who practically built a career on gay humor to write and direct the harshest criticism of homophobes (and anyone else who despises anyone based on differences in belief) perhaps ever put on the screen. It just feels right.

See Red State as soon as you can. It's a true horror film, not about monsters or ghosts, but about real people doing horrible things that real people really do, with the internal belief that they're merely carrying out the work of an imaginary higher power. What could be more terrifying than that?

Cool Shit : As The Music Dies' Suspiria & Rosemary's Baby Shirts!

Though not a company that focuses all of their attention on horror movies, Brooklyn based outfitters As The Music Dies have a couple pretty kickass horror inspired shirts in their collection, which Jen brought to my attention when she scored one from them off of eBay last week. Here's Jen modeling their Suspiria shirt along with an image of their Rosemary's Baby tee, which is equally cool but a lot less sexy when it's not wrapped around Jen's body!

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Sexy women with sharp objects. Gotta love it.

Both shirts are available in either black or white and are unisex, ranging in size from extra small to large. The white versions go for $22 while the blacks are less at only $18. That sounded racist. Pick up either or both over at As The Music Dies. More of these types of shirts, please!

Warlock Home Video Re-Animates Shot On Video Horror!

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Die-B-Que. Death O'Lantern. Do those horror movie titles sound familiar to you? If not, no worries. They probably shouldn't. Released back in 1986, these two shot on video horror flicks were never actually released to the mass public. And they're not alone. There are literally hundreds of similar shot on VHS films from the 80's-early 90's that never saw the light of day, for one reason or another. In fact, they don't even have IMDb pages, that's how obscure the passage of time has sadly made them. Enter Warlock Home Video, the new brainchild of Low Budget Pictures' Chris Seaver, which is all set to re-animate these lost films and at long last bring them into the public eye, on both DVD and the VHS format that they were originally intended to be seen on. Though the Warlock website isn't officially launching until October 1st, pre-orders are now open for a few of the titles they've dug up from the grave thus far. Lets take a closer look at the two aforementioned films that Chris is pulling right out of the 80's!

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Rick and DJ are throwing the biggest BBQ the town has ever seen. All of the most popular kids will be there. What they don't know is that their BBQ is about to turn deadly. When a diseased rat stumbles upon the party and urinates on their steak, there will be more than just fine meats on the menu. Who ordered a side of DEATH!? Anyone that digests the meat will become flesh eating zombies! The only ones that can stop this party of sheer terror are all around do-gooders, Moon Beam and her muscle bound hunk, Brody. Witness what many are calling the "most brutal film of all time". Die-B-QUE will make you scream till you're hungry for more!

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Halloween 1986. The kids of Sleepy Hollow High are about to have a very unexpected visitor during their annual Trick Or Treating adventures around town. The evil pumpkin headed killer, "Stingy Jack", is back to steal the souls of the children who happen to be the ancestors of the ones that sent Jack to the pits of hell in the 1800's. Phoebe, along with her best friends, uncover the true story of what happened to Jack and take it upon themselves to destroy the demon once and for all. State of the art special effects by DARK MAGICFX and a now, hip soundtrack featuring Cube Squared and Radikill will have you pulling this classic out year after year during the spooky season. Don't go kicking this pumpkin kids, Because this evil gourd will have you screaming to DEATH!

The DVD's and VHS' of both are available for pre-order for $10 a piece or can be purchased together for a mere $15. In addition, posters of both films are selling for $13 a pop. Head over to Warlock Home Video to see more of their upcoming titles and keep an eye on the site for the official launch on October 1st!

Disclaimer : While these films were all shot on video, they are actually being made in the present day, rather than in the time periods they claim to hail from. Chris Seaver and company are just trying to help us all relive a certain era in the genre and Warlock is going to be playing host to their line of films that are made to look like they're from times gone by. Does that make these any less cool? If ya ask me, it makes them even cooler. So now that we've established this, sit back and let Warlock transport you back in time with this promo video that'll give you an idea of what to expect from their retro releases!