If you're a longtime reader of Freddy In Space, you may remember that last October, I made a post about a big rubber mummy decoration that had been stolen from my front yard that year, the final straw in a long line of Halloween decoration thefts that ensured I would never put decorations outside again. Being that I used to love to decorate outside for Halloween, and that the mummy decoration was a sentimental relic from my childhood, I was needless to say pretty pissed off and upset when I realized that someone jacked him from my property. Worse yet, he was positioned right up against the house, meaning that some shit literally walked right up to the front door, and had the balls to walk off with him. Un fucking believable.
Cut to a few days ago. At work, I was talking about Halloween with a regular customer who I'm friendly with, the same guy who ran that epic yard sale over the summer where I scored my very first Boglin and various other awesome treasures. I happened to mention to him that I don't decorate outside for Halloween anymore, and told him the story of the mummy. He asked me to describe this "big rubber mummy", which I did. Time had not been kind to the mummy, and the glue that was holding his various parts together was coming looser and looser each year, to the point that both of his legs below the knees had fallen off at the time I put him outside last year (which is why we stuck him into a bush, right up against the house). With a clear description of the mummy to confirm his reasons for asking, a bombshell was dropped...
"That exact mummy has been sitting in my house since last Halloween", he said. "One of the kids from the trailer park sold it to me, for a couple bucks".
I SHIT YOU NOT.
Now the trailer park this guy lives in is directly across the street from the place I work, and I'm pretty familiar with several of the scumbag kids that live there. One kid immediately came to mind, an 18 year old named Daniel, who is the classic 'nothing but trouble' kinda slime ball. He can often be found coming into my place of work packing knives and wearing a bandana over his face, the kind of total punk that should be locked up for life based solely on his appearance.
So I asked my buddy. "Was it Daniel?" Sure enough, it was.
Now the interesting thing is that this Daniel character was, around this time last year, sort of stalking the daughter of a woman I work with. Her daughter lives right near where I do, and Daniel was often seen walking around that area, hoping to catch a glimpse of her (see what I mean about this character?). So when I realized it was him that stole the mummy, the whole story pretty much clicked into place. Daniel was in the area stalking this girl, walked past my house, saw the mummy, and quickly made off with the mummy. I can just see the little slanted shithead smile on his shithead face as he walked off with a precious childhood relic of mine, and that thought quite frankly makes me so fucking angry that another thought currently races through my head; the thought of eradicating this little mother fucker from the Earth.
Adding even more fuel to my anger is the fact that this little shit actually trick or treated at my house last Halloween, and I remember that when I opened the door and saw him standing there, I immediately became worried that he now knew where I lived, and that he could possibly come back at a later date and steal something. In fact, he even commented on the Trick 'r Treat bust I have in the house, which he saw through the window. Little did I know, he had ALREADY stolen from me at this point. Yep, I gave him a nice helping of candy, having no idea that he had already gotten plenty enough out of me.
But ya know, given he's a pretty dangerous kid, who's likely capable of far more evil shit than stealing a rubber mummy, and given that he knows where I live, I'm thinking that the approach of just letting this one slide may be the best way to go here. I've got nothing to gain by seeking vengeance, and I really don't want him to come over and burn my house down while I sleep, all over my anger about him stealing a Halloween decoration. It's just not worth it.
PICTURE TAKEN TODAY!
And besides, all has ended well with this story. Today at work, yard sale dude brought the mummy back to me, bringing a satisfying conclusion to this saga. He's in worse shape than ever, but he's home, and that's all that matters. I really can't believe not only that I finally found out who stole the mummy, and not only that it was someone I knew, and have seen several times over the course of the past year, but also that the mummy was returned to me one year after it was stolen. And when I say one year, I mean one year...exactly.
The mummy was stolen on October 19th, 2011. It was returned to me on October 19th, 2012. Halloween miracle? I think so!
There's a special corner in Hell reserved for people who steal Halloween decorations. And you're going there, Daniel. I take comfort in that.